INTRODUCTION
It is not unusual to find a local church facing a crisis of one kind or another. In these confusing and changing times, we see some churches looking like they have a terminal illness. A church in pain needs a specialist who, with God’s help, can restore good health. God has called and equipped many special people with the ability to help churches in crisis.
Probably no one in our movement sees more of these crises than does a state overseer. Therefore, state overseers are key men used by God to help troubled churches. Also, God has called and equipped some pastors with a special love, wisdom, and anointing to help a church through a crisis.
We all know that we are in a spiritual battle. We know that the church operates in an atmosphere and environment of opposition, trouble, and crisis.
1) CHURCHES HAVE PROBLEMS
Just as a hospital treats sick people, a church houses sinners of all shapes and sizes. These people come with problems of every kind. Problems can take the form of personality disagreements where people take sides, a financial crisis, or even a congregational depression, where for one reason or another most of the church is enmeshed in confusion and conflict.
It is essential to remember that each church is unique and that each new problem must be dealt with uniquely.
The objects could be persons, groups, or organizations. In understanding a conflict, it is important to determine the positions and issues involved in the conflict. The conflicting parties, their competing goals, and the issues of the conflict should be identified.
To be human means we will have conflict. Yet, we try to avoid conflict and usually see it as dysfunctional. The truth is that the only option we have is not whether, but how to deal with conflict.
Everyone in the ministry needs a strong faith and self-esteem so they can face conflict openly and in a creative way. I encourage pastors to see themselves as problem solvers and manifest a mature, self-controlled attitude in the face of conflict. The danger is that we will become so defensive and self-destructive that we let conflict destroy us.
Obviously, every conflict does not work out satisfactorily. It could be because we did not have the self-control necessary to discover what the conflicting parties want and to find solutions.
Most pastors and church leaders do not regard themselves as conflict managers, yet that is one of their chief tasks. Their aim is to run the church smoothly and avoid as many confrontations as possible. Much of the conflict in a church ends up getting managed in “parking lot” fashion. That is when people keep silent about their dissatisfaction until they get in the parking lot. The “parking lot” phenomenon operates prior to the meeting as well. Some key persons get together and decide on what will be decided before the decision-making meeting is ever held. Then they use a generous dose of persuasion on everyone else.
Conflict over contrary hopes, decisions, or priorities does not have to end in alienation or apathy. It can be an occasion for growth. It must be managed so as to encourage expression of diverse hopes, make the differences visible, and explore alternatives for attaining divergent goals. The pastor, whether effective or not, is the primary manager in the system. For the health and vitality of the church and its members, conflict management must be a pastoral priority.
The only choice we human beings have concerning conflict is whether it will be managed constructively or destructively. A style of avoidance and repression has proven to be destructive. It is not enough to recognize conflict. We need to manage it constructively.
What does the Bible say about conflict management? The Bible teaches us to love one another, even our enemies, because we are all created in the image of God. In that context, we remember that as unique individuals we are intentional and goal-directed, guided by what is important and fulfilling to us, and we choose our goals and decide their appropriateness from our own perspective. First and foremost then, to love another is to affirm the right and necessity of the person to have goals, to have intentions, and to have a unique perspective. Thus we are not to love only those who agree with us, whose goals and actions we support and regard as right. The love of God in us means that we are to treat people with respect and kindness even when we disagree.
Sometimes it is hard to believe, but there are benefits in conflicts and crises. Following are some of the benefits.
2) THE BENEFITS OF CONFLICT
A) Resistance Reveals Our Insight and Intentions
Resistance from others enables us to not only perceive our own limitations and weaknesses, but also to understand our own motives and intentions as we are challenged. Loving people will at times require that we confront them with what we see as true and right, even if they don’t want to face it.
B) Challenges Cause Us To Check Our Paradigm
In order to keep our paradigm or perspective clear, we need to have our thinking questioned. Inquiry and scrutiny promotes vitality and self-renewal. Conflict in a church might not be a sign of ill health but a force to produce growth.
C) Issues Get Explored Fully
Conflict can get people to confront the priorities which need attention and get important issues out in the open and promote positive action.
D) Better Decisions Are Made
Without some tension, church leaders may not act carefully and conscientiously evaluate their decisions.
E) People Are More Committed to Decisions
Commitment to a decision is usually the result of understanding, questioning, clarifying, and participating. If I believe I had something to do with the creation of an idea, I am more likely to help carry it out.
3) THE ABILITY TO MANAGE CONFLICT AND HANDLE CRITICISM
How we respond to criticism reveals a lot about our calling and our composure. Stuart Briscoe described the qualifications of a pastor as follows: “The mind of a scholar, the heart of a child, and the hide of a rhinoceros.”
Men and women of God have to be tough and strong in faith to keep their resolve in the times of conflict and criticism. Being on the receiving end of pointed criticism is one of the most severe tests of our resolve and commitment. The criticism comes in various forms. Sometimes it is subtle, sometimes it is sharp, or scathing.
Following are some suggestions for managing our life and its conflicts and criticisms:
A) Live For Christ, Not Ministry
The busier we get with church ministry, the less consistent we are with spiritual disciplines. If we are not careful, the pressures and demands of ministry will rob us of true joy.
If we are going to be at our best and in control of our emotions, we must learn to make Christ our life and not ministry.
B) Maintain a Realistic View of Human Nature
Saved men and women can at any moment act out under the influence of the old nature. When that happens, immature and defensive Christians can behave very ugly. Sometimes we get criticism which we deserve and which can be beneficial. At other times, we get a lot of invalid flak generated in the life of an angry, oppositional member who needs a lot of junk eradicated from his/her personality.
Don’t be caught by surprise when someone acts ugly and learn to be proactive not reactive.
C) Conduct Regular, Systematic Self-Evaluations
Proverbs 12:15 states, “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Perhaps one reason many ministers cannot handle conflicts or criticism is because they have never functioned under supervision and accountability. They have never been in a positive setting where they asked for and received systematic evaluations of their service. Regularly scheduled assessments help avoid stress-producing showdowns.
Sometimes “parking lot” criticism is the only kind of assessment some members can ever give of their pastor and not be challenged by him/her.
Consider the following example of a regularly scheduled assessment. We will discuss its assets and dangers. One pastor of a large fundamental church is evaluated every three (3) years by his board, based on the eleven points of his job description. On each item, they offer commendations, recommendations, or criticisms. He said, “As they gave their assessment, I listened, interrupting only to clarify what they were saying. They provided me with a printed evaluation and I wrote on them my notes as they shared with me.” A systematic evaluation gives people permission to express positive and negative feelings about their minister. Without some constructive means of criticism we, by default, encourage people to share their views only among themselves, which is a sure formula for pastoral paranoia. Allow some discussion on this issue.
D) Allow For Different Tastes
Most parents have difficulty keeping their children from each other’s throats. Put many families together in a church and you will have crisis and conflict. When conflict seems at its worst, it may be simply a matter of preferences or tastes. Some people like things one way and others another. The next thing you know, people are squabbling fiercely. We must remember that some people’s criticisms are nothing more than a matter of taste. Don’t try to please everyone. Do your best and live for God’s glory.
4) ANALYZING THE LEVELS OF CONFLICT
The level of conflict has less to do with the problem than with people’s reaction to it. The more important an issue is to us, the more likely we are to overreact and intensify the conflict.
There are at least four (4) levels (or types) of church conflict. In any level of conflict, the pastor/leader needs to evaluate two things. They are: (1) What are the objectives of the parties involved? What are they really wanting? (2) How much distorted, irrational, subjective thinking is taking place? Are the participants thinking rationally, logically? If not, at what level of subjectivity are they functioning at? When the motives are self-serving and the thinking is irrational, you have a conflict that will be hard to solve.
Some people are used to living in conflict and they are not happy without a fight. Some churches are that way also. Churches and families do not necessarily move neatly from one level of conflict to the next. They may skip levels as they move up or down the scale of conflict severity.
A) Level 1 – Predicaments
At this level, the major objective of the parties is to solve the problem. Level 1 disputants don’t accuse people, they stay focused on the problem. Language tends to be specific and clear. They are thinking rationally and find it easier to articulate what could be done. The conflicting parties tend to be open with one another about the problem. Trust and mutual respect is still high and each assumes goodwill upon the part of the other. The level of candor (frank and open communication) is an excellent indicator of the level of conflict.
Conflict at this level is valuable to a church and allows much to be accomplished, problems solved, relationships improved, and trust deepened.
B) Level 2 – Disagreement
Each party at this level is more concerned with self-protection. They do want to solve the problem but they also want to come out looking good. At this level, people’s language has a higher emotional content. Tensions begin to show. Trust of leaders decreases and inappropriate talking on the side occurs.
Parties also begin withholding information at this level. They look for everyone to compromise. They stop looking for a win-win situation. They go for a win-lose settlement.
At this level, conflicts start becoming a contest of intellectual prowess; thus, coming to a consensus becomes more difficult.
C) Level 3 – Contest
Conflict has become a full contest. The participants are now less concerned about the problem (Level 1) or looking good (Level 2); now they want to win, to get their way.
They have probably lost perspective on the issue. At Level 3, problems and solutions have moved to the background.
It is very difficult for people at this level to see clearly, act fairly, and understand what is going on. Several distortions occur at this third level.
Dichotomizing:
This represents an inability to see alternatives or gray areas. Everything is black or white.
Universalizing
This involves making broad generalizations and using words like always, never, nobody, and everybody. These words only further distort reality.
Magnifications
This is assuming that the other party has evil motives while only our motives are righteous.
Fixation on Feelings
In this we are dominated, fixated on feelings and not on the facts.
At Level 3, groups and factions emerge. It becomes difficult to separate issues from persons. Personal attacks increase and take the place of talking about the problem. People start looking for someone to blame or punish.
Members begin to try to influence one another through emotional appeals rather than rational arguments. No one wants to give in or make a move toward resolution.
D) Level 4 –Fight/Flight
At this level, the major objective of parties is to break the relationship, either by leaving or getting the other to withdraw. No longer is victory palatable; now the very relationship is a problem.
Not only do you have the language of Level 3 and its anger, but you also will see a cold indifference toward each other developing. Parties stop speaking, literally turn their backs, shout, make obscene gestures, etc.
The focus shifts from issues and emotions to principles. The strategies at Level 4 are usually designed to end the relationship. Opponents are punished, shamed, and attacked in the hope that they will choose to go away.
Any level of conflict beyond Level 4 would be motivated to crush the opponent. Conflicts at Level 4 or beyond are out of control and the only hope for resolution is with the help of an outside professional.
Do not allow conflicts to get beyond Level 3, if possible. Let’s look at how to handle a conflict before it is too late.
5) HOW TO HANDLE SERIOUS LEVEL 3 CONFLICTS
These conflicts corrode a congregation. Decisions made at Level 3, because they are based on seriously distorted thinking, will often create more problems than they solve.
The goal of conflict management and resolution is to first reduce Level 3 conflicts to Level 2 or Level 1. There are several ways a pastor, leader, state overseer, or counselor should work at reducing these conflicts.
A) Increase Communication
Increase the amount of clear, direct communication between the parties.
Get them together in a safe environment and attempt to:
1) clarify who will be there.
2) clarify the agenda
3) clarify the ground rules.
B) Explore Areas of Common Agreement
Help parties explore areas of common agreement. You want to raise their level of hope. They must believe that they do have common ground on some issues or they will see no possibility of a solution.
C) Discovering Deeper Concerns
Help the parties discover their deeper interests, concerns, and priorities. These deeper, unarticulated concerns can become the basis upon which other alternative solutions arise.
D) Involve as Many People as Possible
Involve as many people in helping you as possible. Group intervention is better than trying to handle it alone.
There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors. Pastors should keep the state overseer informed concerning serious conflicts, and overseers should keep the General Executive Committee informed.
E) Do Not Take Sides
Each side in a controversy wants the pastor to be the judge and rule in their favor.
F) Do Not Rush Into Intervention
Rushing to resolve a conflict can cause greater problems. Only get involved if you really need to. Nobody wants a busy-body for a pastor or leader. Anything the pastor says or does can expand a conflict and polarize the issue.
Pastors can set a pattern of being expected to solve every conflict and people will continue to call on him/her while they act immaturely.
G) Find Out if Negotiation is Possible
Find out if the parties are willing to negotiate a win-win solution. If they are willing to negotiate and work with those mediators, then intervention is possible.
CONCLUSION
We did not enter the ministry to handle crisis conflicts or to be the object of invalid criticism. Settling scuffles and fights are undesirable tasks. We get frustrated when we have to take time away from preaching, motivating, mentoring, leading, planning, and soul-winning in order to hose down fires. But ministry boils down to relationships, to individuals working together in harmony. Positive, peaceful relationships are the building blocks of a strong church. Therefore, conflict resolution is more than bleak necessity: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9).
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