Contemporary leaders are caught in frightening spiritual and social tornadoes now raging through our church and world.  Society cannot flourish without godly church leaders, laity, and clergy.  Something must be done about the hazards choking the hope out of people’s lives and ministries.  Ministers today often feel disenchanted, discouraged, and even outraged.  Fatigue shows in their eyes and worry slows their stride.

The devil has designed a fall for every one of us.  The devil has placed distractions, discouragements, and deceptions all around us.  Just as it was in the days of Malachi, the priests are living loose and the people are shallow in their relationship with God.  A leader can only live this way for so long before he/she loses his/her effectiveness and anointing.

We must have a persistent and pervasive pursuit of God or we lose our anointing.  The devil has our number and he knows our weak points.  When the glory and power of God is not heavy on us, we become vulnerable and we soak in our hurts and pains.

If the devil can’t pull us down, he will push us up.  The devil knows how people like power and how we tend to live in self-sufficient pride.  Let us humble ourselves before God and follow patterns of spirituality, faith, and purity.

About 94% of all pastors feel pressured to have an ideal family.  Because of the pressures and low salaries, many pastors have a variety of problems.  Lay ministers and leaders are often under the same pressures as pastoral staff members.  Lay ministers, like tent making pastors, devote high levels of time to local church ministry and maintain a full time secular job.  These pressures on pastors and lay leaders create problems such as:

• insufficient time
• financial needs
• marital problems
• poor communication
• fatigue
• stress related illness
• few friends
• dislocated from family

Many members are moving.  They are not just moving to a new town but simply moving from one local church to another.  They feel very little loyalty to any denomination or congregation.

Modern life is very hectic.  Lay people are busier than most pastors realize.  The Church has become only another small part of an overloaded schedule.

Expectations in the church are going up while commitments are going down.  Even the most emotionally robust leaders find it a strain to simultaneously cope with whining traditionalists, demanding baby boomers, and lethargic fellow Christians.  As a result, a perpetual juggling act is required to deal with the mushrooming expectations that originate from spouse, children, employer, congregation, denomination, community, or even self.  Consequently, a dehumanizing fatigue of faithfulness becomes a way of life for too many lay leaders and pastors.

This permissive society has trashed absolutes.  The for sures have been traded for maybes.  Little is being done to repair the ethical foundations that are crumbling everywhere.

Whatever the reasons, Biblical absolutes have deteriorated into mere opinions.  The salt is obviously losing its saltiness.

Scandals continue to plummet public trust in ministers.  We should not be surprised that society no longer reveres ministers as shapers of conscience or communicators of values.  Like it or not, millions view ministers as trifling, demagogic, self-seeking, lazy, or even immoral.

As a result, few people seriously listen to what pastors or lay ministers say about anything, especially the meaning of life, faith, morals, or redemption.

A Christian leader’s Christ-quality life is God’s most convincing answer to secular suspicions of spiritual shepherds.

The list of dangers or hazards for the ministry could go on and address issues such as dysfunctional people, defections, infidelity, loneliness, and money.

One thing remains for sure, we must make certain about our calling and about our ministry.  We must keep our eyes on God and our hearts pure.  We must not let the world set our agenda and we must keep a proper perspective on the issues of success and pleasing God.  In order to be a person of trust and integrity, we should do the following:

• Live on a high plane of holiness and keep our life saturated in the Word.
• Do some things extremely well and do not try to do everything.
• Accept the reality of unfinished work. Do what is high priority and keep perfecting our list of priorities.
• Seek always to know what God wants us to be doing.
• Do not allow a minority to determine our perspective or to control our agenda.
• Keep our marriage strong.
• Remember that we are not indestructible.
• Understand that are not immune to failure.  How we handle problems when things go wrong is what matters.
• Maintain a repentant lifestyle.
• Practice self-control and spiritual disciplines.
• Never avoid accountability.
• Do not be afraid of a challenge.  We should attack tough obstacles with faith in God.
• Live a principle centered life.
• Keep God first.
• Get control of our financial debts.
• Keep free from possession fixations.
• De-professionalize our faith and ministry.
• Make our spouse glad to be married to us.
• Guard against perils.
• Understand our personality type and weaknesses.
• Sharpen our people skills.
• Learn how to work with people as teams.
• Recognize our need for power to control.
• Resist the “too busy” syndrome.
• Drop all pretense.
• Review our patterns of ministry and devotions. Then make the right changes.
• Seek to disciple and develop other lay leaders.
• Take time for restoration and relaxation. We need margins (control, boundaries, spiritual reserves, balance) in our life.
• Never let our relationship with God suffer.

Gratitude for what we have keeps us from chafing about what we don’t have.  Contentment encourages us to make the most of what we have and to try even harder.

Some people, even leaders, are perpetually, habitually discontent.  Contentment boosts credibility.  Remember people are slow to follow a complainer.

Change must not come from frustration or impulsive discontent.  Change needs to be thought out, prayed through, and must flow from a contented personal spirit that is ready for change, growth, and new challenges.

We must understand what God has called us to do and why.  Our practices and priorities must be consistent with our vision.

The involvement of laity in ministry is probably the result of unclear purposes and confusing goals.  Many laity become decreasingly interested in what goes on in churches.  The problem is a lack of vision and united commitment to purposes that are bigger than we are.

We must never let our struggle for success, achievement, or power blind us to the things in life that should really matter most.  Feelings of futility can come from giving too much of oneself for too long to what does not really matter.  Some leaders’ stress problems come from being too active (busy) to be effective.

We need a purpose statement for our life that can bring everything into focus and help us gain control.

God is our resource and our sufficiency.  We need to live our lives out of faith, power, and victory.  There is no limit to what God can and will do for us.

Scarcity thinking describes many leaders.  They seem to suppose that only so much good can happen or that so much success can be achieved.  We need to know and believe that God wants to bless us and that there is no limit to what He can do.

Imagination and innovation are in short supply everywhere, especially in the church.  Sometimes we need to break out of old ways of thinking and doing.  We need to seek God for demanding cures and apply them to ourselves first.  All break-out leaders, like Luther, Wesley, and others, merged personal faith, the needs of the hour, and the power of the Gospel.

We need to be proactive leaders who take initiative to find solutions, to make things happen, and to glorify God.

The Serenity Prayer asks that, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Ministry usually gets bigger when it gets better.  As leaders, we need to always seek to improve the quality of our ministry.  Improvements in one area create improvements in other areas.  When quantity does not result from quality ministry leadership, we should evaluate the quality.  We do not have to choose between quality and quantity.  We focus first on quality and then expect the quantity to follow as more people become aware of and interested in what our church has to offer.

Leaders need to communicate in a language that people can understand and identify with. Sometimes our way of communication keeps people away from God and confuses them.      Plain speech, eternal truth, and logic on fire from the Holy Spirit release the Gospel’s authentic life-changing power.  People do not want double-talk, they want life-changing words from the Lord.

God intends ministry for people.  We must love people even though they often surprise and disappoint us.  They are the reason Christ came.  Leaders’ success is directly related to how much they cherish people.  Leaders must not allow bitterness to develop.  We must evaluate everything we do on the basis of how well it will minister to the average person.

Some leaders give up too soon.  Success often comes from a long process of doing the right thing for the right reason long enough.  We talk about perseverance but we do not always practice it with any degree of passion.  Passionate perseverance rekindles motivation, so ministry is a joy instead of just work, a delight instead of a drag, and an ecstacy instead of an obligation.

In order to do this step, we must keep God in focus and fix our eyes on Jesus.  Remember it is God, not just people, who leaders should seek to please.  God is always satisfied with our best effort.

No leader will ever have the freedom, support, or time needed to achieve all he/she desires.  Knowing that God is pleased with us and knowing that we have made a difference in people’s lives should give us great joy.

Leadership must be earned not bestowed upon.  And remember, no one follows those who do not lead.

The most impressive and magnetic characteristic of the effective leader is a single-minded devotion to lead people into the deeper depths of Christ likeness.

Strong, capable people stand in the wings of churches waiting to follow the example of competent lay leaders who dare to partner with God and with the pastor to see the vision become a reality.

Teach, preach, and communicate in every way possible those powerful truths of God’s Word which have changed you and can change your world.  Leaders need to learn to be masters at communication, modeling, and motivating people.

Ministry can seem like madness unless you love it and know that God has called us to spiritual leadership.  God trusts you and He has set you apart as a lay leader and servant.  God is your source and strength, never give up.

In this lecture, we have been asked to look at the importance of affirming the call of God that upon your life.  This study talked about the need for leadership in these changing times.  No church will ever achieve excellence without mature and capable lay leaders, as well as godly pastors.

In too many churches today tensions run high, leaders burnout and drop out.  Laity are suffering from disillusionment, members are leaving, priorities are confused, and the needs of people go unmet.  The primary cause is inadequate leadership on the part of pastors and laity.

We must understand and address our own crises and then refocus toward the astounding opportunities around us for ministry.

Never in human history has the church been more needed than now!  We desperately need lay leaders with a deep personal faith in God and commitment to Christian service andleadership.

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The crisis of leadership deficiency may well be our most pervasive problem within contemporary Christianity.  Jesus majored in leadership training and we must also follow His example and make training and personal development a high priority.

Deficiencies in new ministers tend to center around:

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A minister must clarify the exact nature of God’s call.  Is the call of God to a lay ministry or to a clergy ministry?  We must understand and affirm God’s call upon our lives.

If we are to accept responsibility for our ministry before God we must affirm the call by:

• making a __________ to the guidance of God’s Word.
• keeping a __________spirit.
• having a ___________ conscience.
• establishing proper _______________.
• keeping our affections fixed on eternal __________.
• allowing Jesus to be the __________ of our lives.
• following the _______________ of the Holy Spirit each day.
• keeping our ____________ pure.
• winning __________ for Christ.
• praying _______________.

As ministers we are to examine ourselves in order to understand how God needs to work in us in order to make us the person we ought to be (2 Corinthians 13:5).

As Christians our love must be _______________ and __________.

We should never lack in __________ but we should be burning with the Holy Spirit.

We are to live in harmony with one another and never act haughty or high-minded.

Ministers must also live by an even higher standard.  We must be __________ of Scriptural behavior.  1 Timothy 4:12b says, “…set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”  We as leaders are defined not just by what we accomplish, but most importantly by who we are.

Evaluate yourself in the following areas.  Give yourself a score of 1 to 5 with 5 being the highest.

1. Knowledgeable  _______
2. Energetic  _______
3. Enthusiastic  _______
4. Positive  _______
5. Friendly  _______
6. Decisive  _______
7. Efficient  _______
8. Visionary  _______
9. Passionate  _______
10. Ethical and moral  _______
11. Dependable  _______
12. Disciplined  _______
13. Motivating  _______
14. Communicative  _______
15. Spiritual not carnal  _______
16. Achieving  _______
17. Committed  _______
18. Growing  _______
19. Confident in faith  _______
20. Encourager  _______

Add your score for all 20 items.  There is a possible score of 100, which would be the highest possible.  Use this self-evaluation to identify your weakest areas for further prayer, study, and attention.

A dynamic ____________ ____________ with Jesus Christ is still the answer to our greatest needs and weaknesses.  We must proclaim the message of Jesus Christ; He is the solution to all the plagues of our day:

• For fear,
• For worry,
• For hurt and rejection,
• For emptiness,
• For worthlessness,
• For greed and selfishness,
• For hatred and prejudice,
• For bondage to habits,
• For rebellion and stubbornness,
• For self-sufficiency,

(Adapted from Red Sky in the Morning, page 180)

Building excellent spiritual leaders is not an easy task.  Excellent spiritual leaders are people who understand the maturing process and know how to submit to God’s authority and practice authentic holiness of life.  Leaders can never use authority properly unless they know how to submit to authority.

Leadership requires perseverance, clarity of vision, and a profound faith in an active God.  Excellent leaders endure trials, recover from backlash situations, engage in spiritual warfare, discern spirits, and function in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Leaders have a tendency to cease developing and growing once they have reached a certain level of skills and ministry experience.  It may be that you have the capacity to become an excellent leader.  In order to bring you up to this quality of leadership, God may challenge you to stretch yourself beyond your present level of faith.  Ignorance of how God develops leaders causes some to get discouraged and drop out when faced with growth challenges.

Affirm your call to ministry, clarify your theology of ministry, focus on being not doing, reflect on what God is doing in your life, and trust God to bring you through the stages of leadership development.

Planning how the recognized need will be met requires secure every possible suggestion and recognizing every obstacle before determining any plan. Keep in mind the following characteristics of the planning step:

1. Begin with a clear statement of the problem.
2. Base your planning on facts.
3. Explore every possible approach to discover every conceivable solution, so that the best solution can be reached.
4. Focus in on a clearly defined plan, which large numbers of members will understand and recognize as their own.

Organize the congregation to coordinate all activities in preparing to carry out the plan. The organizing step involves the what?, when?, who?, and follow through.

The administrator’s personal relationship to the persons involved in the plan is a key factor in stimulating them to action. Communication must be clear and effective and the leader must be an understanding listener. Stimulating for action requires that you:

1. Secure all workers early and arrange adequate training for them.
2. Make sure all workers clearly understand their responsibilities.
3. Coordinate every stage of the plan.
4. Keep everything moving on schedule.
5. Keep the congregation informed.

We have all heard statements like: “Plan the work and work the plan;” “Plan + do + check + act = Quality;” “Do it right the first time.” A minister’s list of things “to do” can be overwhelming. It is essential that we prioritize our lists and learn to live with the end in mind. Not only do we over commit ourselves but we often avoid doing priority things because they seem nonurgent.

Urgent things seem to scream for attention while nonurgent but priority things are silent. Spiritual and emotional burnout comes from a lack of balance and management. All ministers need training in time management. Ministers need to learn how to focus on high priorities and at the end of the day turn off the professional switch and go home and balance family responsibilities.

Every minister needs a good time management organizing system in order to keep up with appointments and all kinds of communication responsibilities. Ministers need to learn how to block out time for planning, organizing, prioritizing, etc. The understanding and use of the “time activation” principle is important. This involves using our organizer to write down something when it occurs, so it will be where we can find it, when we need it, and so we will be reminded in time to do it.

So often ministers come across as autocratic leaders, as bosses in charge and in control. The world is quickly changing today and people want a voice, they want some control. Many people today are exposed to new methods of quality management and team building. They are not now willing to go to a church where the pastor is a dictator and they feel that they have little or no voice in what happens.

The world is moving away from bosses toward facilitators or coaches. Some pastors are use to too much power and control. Laity must be allowed and trained to be more involved in the details of ministry. We must take positive steps to break down the walls of mistrust and competitiveness.

As leaders, pastors must learn how to help people become jointly accountable for ministry. People go to church where they feel needed and can get involved. They go where they are treated with dignity and respect.

We must get organized and maintain a productive environment. We should always ask ourselves:

• “Is this really important?”
• “What is the priority here?”
• “Am I listening to people and do I really understand?”
• “How am I coming across to people?”

Pastors (all ministers) need to keep pace with change. We need to adopt new attitudes toward change. We need to trust people and exercise our faith that God really is leading us! We must learn to work together, to be interdependent. We can’t control the sweeping changes taking place in the world, but we can control our reactions to them. We can prepare, organize, and prioritize for the challenges ahead.

Education and ministerial development are a must today. It has never been more important to develop and to refine our essential skills in working with people and managing our life. The twenty-first century church requires ministers who can make sound judgments, communicate effectively, care compassionately, discover solutions quickly, think strategically, manage people, use time wisely, make disciples, and maintain credibility. Learning must not stop at some graduation ceremony. A commitment to life-long learning is a key to unlocking future success.

Preparation and time management is vital. Unless we prioritize and schedule a time to do something that is important, we will end up procrastinating. We often end up with several stacks of important correspondence on our desk; one stack marked “urgent;” one stack marked “someday;” one stack marked “if the Lord tarries long enough.” Some important tasks never even make it to the “someday” stack. We have post-it notes all around with important messages, but we fail to plan a time to take care of them.

Procrastination and indecision are among the top three time-wasters faced by ministers. We need to get organized and learn to plan our time. Planning is bringing the future into the present and doing something about it now.

Clutter is not a sign of success. Clutter builds stress as we end up looking at each paper on our desk several times a day. We should try to start our day with a clean desk. The average person has 36 hours of work on his/her desk. It is a constant discouragement and makes us feel that the job is never done.

Remember the four D’s concerning details:

• Do, without excuse, those little items.
• Delegate without hesitation.
• Date and file, without reluctance, items currently being worked on.
• Discard, without sentiment, those items that have little or no value.

Start each new day with faith in God and with an open mind. Remember that we tend to see things the way we are; we even ask questions that make our hypothesis come true. We make self-fulfilling prophecies and become the slave to our negative expectations.

Someone once said, “Let me see what I say, so I will know what I think.” We do tend to get what we expect because we reinforce it constantly.

Remember that one small but significant change brings another. When we are faced with a problem and we are getting frustrated, we need to say to ourselves — “Just Do It!”

Learn from success and model after success. It is never too late to bring about some positive change.

Make it your goal to “Learn how to manage your personal and ministry priorities, and your relationships, in such a way that your potential is not lost.”

• Start each day by reviewing your appointments, schedule of tasks, list of to-do, etc.
• Prioritize your to-do’s into a list of A’s – highest priority and B’s – lowest priority. Then prioritize your list of A’s and then your B’s. Be sure to bring forward today any items not completed yesterday.
• Block out on your appointment calendar special sections of time to accomplish your A’s and B’s.
• Always allocate priority time when completing an important task.
• Eliminate mind clutter by writing down the task as soon as you decide to do it.
• Time-activate everything possible so you will be reminded: what to do, when to do it, & where the information is that you need.
• Be realistic in setting deadlines. Allow for interruptions and for the unknown.
• Break the urgency habit. Not every problem or task has to be resolved immediately.
• Set aside the earliest part of the day for the most important functions, when possible.
• Limit time spent in counseling, if possible.
• Limit meetings and phone calls in the mornings so that this time can be given to your most important priorities.

The keys to effective church administration and personal time management are in possessing the necessary desire and commitment to details to implement the many resources available today.

Good leadership and stewardship demand responsible handling of the administrative tasks of the church. Effectiveness and efficiency has to do with how we spend our time and how well we organize and develop a team of people to administer the church for the glory of God.

We will engage in those activities which glorify God in our body and which avoid the fulfillment of the lust of the flesh. We will read, watch, and listen to those things which are of positive benefit to our spiritual well-being.

• Glorifying God in Our Body

Our body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, and we are to glorify God in our body (Romans 12:1, 2; 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20, 10:31). We are to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). Examples of fleshly behavior which do not glorify God are noted in several passages of Scripture (Romans 1:24; 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10; Galatians 5:19-21; Revelation 21:8). Sinful practices which are made prominent and condemned in these scriptures include homosexuality, adultery, worldly attitudes (such as hatred, envy, jealously), corrupt communication (such as gossip, angry outbursts, filthy words), stealing, murder, drunkenness, and witchcraft. Witchcraft has to do with the practices of the occult, which are forbidden by God and lead to the worship of Satan.

• Reading, Watching, and Listening

The literature we read, the programs we watch, and the music we listen to profoundly affect the way we feel, think, and behave. It is imperative, then, that the Christian read, watch, and listen to those things which inspire, instruct, and challenge to a higher plane of living. Therefore, literature, programs, and music which are worldly in context or pornographic in nature must be avoided. A Christian is not to attend (or watch on television) movies or theatrical performances of a demoralizing nature (Romans 13:14; Philippians 4:8).

• Benefiting Spiritual Well-being

The use of leisure time in the life of a Christian should be characterized by those activities which edify both the individual and the body of Christ (Romans 6:13; 1 Corinthians 10:31, 32). We are to avoid places and practices which are of this world. Consequently, a Christian must not be a part of any other types of entertainment which appeal to the fleshly nature and/or bring discredit to the Christian testimony (2 Corinthians 6:17; 1 Thessalonians 5:21, 22; 1 John 2:15-17).

We will live in a manner that inspires trust and confidence, bearing the fruit of the Spirit, and seeking to manifest the character of Christ in all our behavior.

• Trust and Confidence

A Christian should be trustworthy, dependable, and a person of his word (Matthew 5:37; 1 Peter 2:11, 12). Therefore, the swearing of oaths is contrary to a Christian’s trustworthiness and should be avoided (Matthew 5:34-37; James 5:12). Christ, by precept and example, taught that we love our enemy and prefer our brother (Matthew 5:43-48; Romans 12:10; Philippians 2:3; 1 John 3:16). We should behave in a way that will point others to Christ (Matthew 5:16; 1 Corinthians 11:1).

• Fruit of the Spirit

If we live in the Spirit, we will manifest the fruit (attitudes and actions) of the Spirit and will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh (Galatians 5:16; 22-25; 1 John 1:7). Trustful relationships with others are a natural outgrowth of our positive relationships with the Lord (Psalm 1:1-3; Matthew 22:37-40). A lack of fruit-bearing in our lives will be judged (Matthew 7:16-20; Luke 13:6-9; John 15:1-8).

• Character of Christ

Love for others is the hallmark of the Christ-life (John 13:34, 35; 15:9-13; 1 John 4:7-11). In His relationship with His Father, Jesus displayed submission (Luke 22:42; John 4:34; 5:30). In His relationship with others, He demonstrated acceptance (John 8:11), compassion (Matthew 9:36; Mark 6:34), and forgiveness (Matthew 9:2; Luke 5:20). We cannot bear the fruit of the Spirit and manifest the character of Christ without being spiritually joined to Christ (John 15:4, 5) and without having the seed of the Word planted in our heart (John 15:3; 1 Peter 1:22, 23).

We will give priority to fulfilling family responsibilities, to preserving the sanctity of marriage, and to maintaining divine order in the home.

• Priority of the Family

The family is the basic unit of human relationship and as such is foundational to both society and the church (Genesis 2:18-24). The divine origin of the family, along with its foundational character, makes it imperative that we give priority to ministry to the family, both from a personal and corporate standpoint. The practice of Christian disciplines and virtues should begin in the home (Deuteronomy 6:6, 7).

Therefore, our families should establish some pattern for family devotions and should endeavor to provide a Christian environment in the home (1 Timothy 3:3, 4; 5:8).

• Sanctity of Marriage

Marriage is ordained of God and is a spiritual union in which a man and a woman are joined by God to live together as one (Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:7). Because of the divine character of marriage, it is a lifelong commitment with the only clear Biblical allowance for divorce being fornication (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). Sexual involvement either before marriage or with someone other than the marriage partner is strictly forbidden in Scripture (Exodus 20:14; 1 Corinthians 6:15-18). Understanding the sanctity of marriage, partners should strive to maintain a happy, harmonious, and holy relationship. Should divorce occur, the church should be quick to provide love, understanding, and counsel to those involved. The remarriage of divorced persons should be undertaken only after a thorough understanding of and submission to the Scriptural instructions concerning this issue (Matthew 19:7-9; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:2, 3; 1 Corinthians 7:2, 10, 11). Should a Christian desire to remain single, this decision should be respected and should be seen as a viable Scriptural alternative (1 Corinthians 7:8, 32-34).

• Divine Order in the Home

When God created man, He created them male and female (Genesis 1:27). He gave them distinctly different characteristics (1 Corinthians 11:14, 15; 1 Peter 3:7) as well as different responsibilities (Genesis 3:16-19; 1 Peter 3:1-7). In God’s order the husband is head of the home (Ephesians 5:22-31; Colossians 3:18, 19), parents are to nurture and admonish their children (Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21), and children are to obey and honor their parents (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1-3; Colossians 3:20). In order for harmony to exist in the home, God’s order of responsibility must be observed.

We will practice temperance in behavior and will abstain from activities and attitudes which are offensive to our fellowman or which lead to addiction or enslavement.

• Temperance

One of the cardinal Christian virtues is temperance or self-control      (1 Corinthians 9:25; Titus 1:8, 2:2). It is listed as a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:23). We are admonished to practice moderation and balance in our behavior (Philippians 4:5). The Scripture indicates that it is within our prerogative to control our thinking (Philippians 4:8), our anger (Ephesians 4:26), and our communication (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:8). To exercise self-discipline reflects the power of God in our life (1 Corinthians 9:27; 2 Peter 1:5-11).

• Offensive Behavior

The Bible speaks clearly that we are to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of others as a demonstration of our love for them (Matthew 22:39; Romans 12:9-21; 13:10; Philippians 2:3-5). At times it is necessary for us to control our behavior so as not to bring offense to others (Romans 14:13-21; 1 Corinthians 8:9-13). As we know Christ after the Spirit, we are also to know others in the same manner so we will not judge them after their outward behavior alone (2 Corinthians 5:16). A respect and tolerance for differences in others should characterize our relationships (Romans 14:2, 3; 1 Corinthians 8:8; Ephesians 4:2; Colossians 3:13; 1 Timothy 4:1-5).

• Addiction and Enslavement

One of the primary benefits of our liberty in Christ is freedom from the domination of negative forces (John 8:32, 36; Romans 6:14; 8:2). We are counseled not to put ourselves again under bondage (Galatians 5:1). Therefore, a Christian must totally abstain from all alcoholic beverages and other habit-forming and mood-altering chemical substances and refrain from the use of tobacco in any form, marijuana, and all other addictive substances and, further, must refrain from any activity (such as gambling or gluttony) which defiles the body as the temple of God or which dominates and enslaves the spirit that has been made free in Christ (Proverbs 20:1; 23:20-35; Isaiah 28:7; 1 Corinthians 3:17; 5:11; 6:10; 2 Corinthians 7:1; James 1:21).

We will demonstrate the Scriptural principle of modesty by appearing and dressing in a manner that will enhance our Christian testimony and will avoid pride, elaborateness, or sensuality.

• Modesty

According to the Biblical idea, modesty is an inner spiritual grace that recoils from anything unseemly and impure, is chaste in thought and conduct, and is free of crudeness and indecency in dress and behavior (Ephesians 4:25, 29, 31; 5:1-8; 1 Timothy 2:9, 10). Therefore, modesty includes our appearance, dress, speech, and conduct and can be applied to all situations. The essential issue is, does our style of life please or displease God?

• Appearance and Dress

Our life, character, and self-image are reflected by our apparel and mode of dress. The admonition of Scripture, “Be not conformed to this world,” reminds us that our manner of dress must be modest and decent (Romans 12:2; 1 Thessalonians 5:22, 23). It is not displeasing to God for us to dress well and be well groomed. However, above all we must seek spiritual beauty, which does not come from outward adornment with jewelry, expensive clothes, or cosmetics, but from good works, chaste conversation, and a meek and quiet spirit (Philippians 4:8; 1 Peter 3:3-5).

• Pride, Elaborateness, Sensuality

As godly people we are to abstain from all lusts of the flesh and avoid dressing in a manner that encourages immoral thoughts, attitudes, and lifestyles (Galatians 5:13-21; 1 Peter 2:11; 2 Peter 1:4). Our beauty does not depend on elaborate, showy dress; extravagant, costly attire; or on the use of jewelry or cosmetics but on our relationship with Christ. External adornment, whether clothing or jewelry, as an outward display of personal worth, is contrary to a spiritual attitude (James 2:1-4).

It should be our objective to fulfill our obligations to society by being good citizens, by correcting social injustices, and by protecting the sanctity of life.

• Being Good Citizens

As Christians we are members of the kingdom of God as well as a social order of this world. Obedience to God requires us to act in a responsible manner as citizens of our country (Mark 12:13-17; Romans 13:1-7; 1 Peter 2:13-17). Therefore, we should support civil law and order; hold our leaders in respect and pray for them; participate in school, community, and governmental activities; exercise our voting rights; and speak out on clear-cut moral issues. God’s law is supreme, but we are to obey the laws of our country insofar as they are not in conflict with obedience to God (Acts 5:29). When it becomes necessary to disagree with practices and requirements of government, we should do so out of a concern for the promotion of righteousness and not out of delight in discord and controversy.

• Correcting Social Injustices

Love for others and the recognition of the equal worth of all people in the sight of God (Acts 10:34; 17:26) should compel us to take steps to improve the situation of those who are under-privileged, neglected, hungry, homeless, and victimized by prejudice, persecution, and oppression (Matthew 22:39; Romans 13:8-10; 1 John 3:17). In all of our dealings, we must be sensitive to human needs (Luke 10:30-37; James 1:17) and guard against racial and economic discrimination. Every person should have freedom to worship and participate in the life of the church regardless of race, color, sex, social class, or nationality.

• Protecting the Sanctity of Life

God alone confers life (Genesis 1-31). Therefore, we are responsible to God to care for our physical life and that of others. If the circumstances require, we must be prepared to risk our life in the service of our neighbor (John 15:13), but the general rule is that we must respect our physical life and employ every worthy means to maintain it. Since God alone confers life, God alone must decide when it is to be ended (Psalm 31:14, 15). Because a human fetus is sacred and blessed of God, we believe we have the responsibility to protect the life of the unborn (Jeremiah 1:5; Luke 1:41). It is our firm conviction that abortion, and euthanasia of the aged, mentally incompetent, terminally ill, and otherwise handicapped, for reasons of personal convenience, social adjustment, or economic advantage, are morally wrong. Furthermore, we believe it is our Christian responsibility to care for the earth and its resources. In the beginning God gave man dominion over the earth (Genesis 1:26-30). This does not, however, give us license to pollute our natural environment or to waste the resources of the earth.

The mission of the Church of God is to perpetuate the full gospel of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:19, 20), in the Spirit and power of Pentecost (Acts 2:1-4, 6, 13-18), through specific attention to and emphasizes upon the centrality of God’s Word, world evangelization, ministerial development, Christian discipleship, lay ministry, Biblical stewardship, church growth, church planting, family enrichment, and servant leadership.

We commit ourselves to gather regularly as the local expression of the Body of Christ to participate in Pentecostal worship that exalts God, engages the heart, mind and soul, and challenges to deeper commitment and discipleship. This commitment will be demonstrated by:

• Assisting local churches in planning and preparing for meaningful, anointed worship.
• Equipping pastors and other worship leaders to lead authentically expressed, spiritually alive worship.
• Modeling varying styles and forms of worship that glorify God and encouraging outreach and service.
• Emphasizing the importance of Biblical stewardship and the centrality of God’s Word as elements of worship.

(John 4:24; Psalm 29:2; Romans 12:1; 1 Corinthians 12:4-11; Isaiah 58; Matthew 25:31-46)

We commit ourselves to intentionally reaching the unconverted, baptizing them in water, and leading them to unite with the church. This commitment will be demonstrated by:

• Viewing all the nations of the world as our mission field.
• Encouraging our local churches to adopt and intercede for an unreached people group. Resource materials will be provided by the World Missions Department.
• Asking all national churches of the Church of God International to adopt and implement measurable steps to evangelize and disciple unreached people groups inside and outside of their own regions (Matthew 28:18-20; Romans 15:19-24; Revelation 5:9).
• Encouraging every local church to increase a minimum of 10% per year through conversion growth.
• Cultivating a genuine passion for the lost that will compel members to personally communicate the gospel of Jesus and demonstrate His love to those outside the faith.
• Discipling new believers and passing on our faith to the next generation.
• Practicing life-style evangelism.

(Matthew 9:37-38; Matthew 28:19-20; Mark 16:15-18; Acts 1:8; Romans 10:13-15)

We commit ourselves to identifying, training and resourcing God-called church planters and to intentionally planting new life-giving churches. This commitment will be demonstrated by:

• Focusing designated resources of the local church, state/regional offices, and the international offices for planting new churches.
• Starting the number of church plants equal to a minimum of 3% of the total number of churches in a state/region/nation annually.
• Developing a certified training program in our Evangelism and Home Missions Department and educational institutions for church planters and home missions.
• Emphasizing the health and viability of new church plants as well as the number of churches planted.
• Affirming the different models of church planting for different situations.
• Recognizing church planting as an apostolic ministry for our day.

(Matthew 16:18; John 4:35; Acts 2:47; 14:23; Ephesians 5:25-28)

We commit ourselves to identifying and developing individuals whom God has called and given leadership gifts and challenging them to become servant-leaders. We will demonstrate our commitment by:

• Creating an environment in which men and women with ministry gifts are developed to serve as servant-leaders.
• Equipping, empowering and releasing lay leaders to serve as ministry partners both inside and outside local church.
• Providing relevant resources and training opportunities for both clergy and laity.
• Encouraging pastors to lead through vision, to communicate the vision to the congregation and to organize the body and each of its ministry groups so the vision can be realized.

(Mark 3:13-15; 2 Timothy 2:2, 2:15, 3:14-17; Ephesians 4:11-13)

We commit ourselves to the challenge of being a church that genuinely cares for one another and for those who are lost, hurting and needy. We will demonstrate our commitment by:

• Building loving, caring relationships within families, between members, and within the communities we serve.
• Obeying the Care Commission of Christ in Matthew 25.
• Cultivating compassion and showing mercy to the unloved, the undesirable and the unreached of our society.
• Establishing in each local church some type of outreach ministry that demonstrates our genuine concern and love for the disadvantaged or oppressed.

(Psalms 86:15; Matthew 25; Luke 6:36; Acts 20:28)

We commit ourselves to the principle of interdependence, acknowledging our interconnectedness and dependence on all the members of the Body of Christ. We will demonstrate our commitment by:

Reaching out to others in the Body of Christ for collaboration, resource sharing and learning opportunities.

Encouraging local churches to build relationships with like-minded and like-hearted churches in their communities to work together to reach the lost.

Involving clergy in the processes of mentoring, coaching and consulting on the local, state, regional, national and international levels to increase the level of trust and support among ministers.

Engaging in dialogue and partnership with local, national and international organizations who seek to fulfill the Great Commission of Christ.

(Colossians 2:19; 1 Corinthians 12:14-31; Galatians 6:1-6)

• More open proclamation of the joy and power of worship (Isaiah 6:1-4; Psalms 147:1; 149:1; 150:1-6; John 4:23, 24; 9:31; Revelation 11:16).
• Prayerful search for clearer understanding of spiritual gifts and their operation in the church (1 Corinthians 12:1-11; 14:1-40; Romans 12:4-8).
• Greater care in the appointment of pastors, with emphasis upon compatibility and interrelationships between congregation and leaders (Titus 1:5-9; Ephesians 5:21; Hebrews 13:17, 18; Romans 12:14-21).
• Strengthening the pastor in his role as spiritual shepherd with first responsibility for prayer and ministry of the Word (Acts 6:4; 2 Timothy 2:15).
• More emphasis upon teaching pastors to train and involve lay men and women for effective ministry (Ephesians 4:11-16; 1 Timothy 4:11-16; 5:17; 1 Peter 4:10, 11).
• Development of a method for objective evaluation of local church ministries (2 Corinthians 3:1-3, 5; Colossians 1:9-20).

• Renewed and expanded efforts by all pastors to train, inspire, equip and release lay people for ministry in strategic areas of local church, and community service (Acts 6:1-7; Ephesians 4:11-16; 1 Thessalonians 1:4-10).
• Specific steps for defining and developing the ministry of deacons and elders (Acts 6:1- 7; 1 Timothy 3:8-13; Titus 1:5-9).
• Joint sessions between lay and ministerial leadership in establishing harvest goals and objectives for the Church of God.
• Continued study as to the role of laity in the International General Assembly of the Church of God.

• More emphasis upon local church confirmation, affirmation, and endorsement of ministerial applicants prior to their seeking exhorter’s license (Acts 13:1-4; 14:23).
• Establishing more specific Scriptural and practical assessment and appraisal procedures for evaluating ministers of all ranks and in all positions on a continuing basis (Romans 12:2; 13:5; 2 Timothy 4:5).
• Heightened emphasis upon continuing education for all ministers through formal institutions and special seminars, study programs, and conventions    (2 Timothy 2:15).
• Recognition of the vital role women presently give in Church of God ministry–their teaching, preaching, administrative and leadership skills–and renewed encouragement and support for their ministry, in keeping with that obvious emphasis found in the Gospels, throughout the Book of Acts, and in the Epistles (Acts 16:14, 15, 40, 18:26, 21:8, 9; Romans 16:1-7; Titus 2:3-5).

• That full honor, respect, and recognition be given to the Holy Spirit, who is Himself the true leader of the church (Acts 13:4; 15:28; 16:6, 7).
• Greater attention to personal accountability and positional responsibility on the part of all leaders, with Scriptural emphasis upon caring (pastoral) relationships (1 Corinthians 12:25; Colossians 4:17, 1 Timothy 3:15; Hebrews 13:17).
• More emphasis on the Scriptural qualifications for bishop (1 Timothy 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9) and greater care in the leadership selection and appointment process.
• More delegating of secondary matters (Acts 6:3) in order to keep the role of bishop in perspective (Acts 6:4).
• More focus by the leadership in the utilization of ministry resources and skills of retired clergy at the local, district, state, and national levels (Romans 13:7).

• Renewal of our pledge to do whatever is necessary to be God’s people on this earth (Ephesians 3:14-21).
• Periodic calls throughout the church for solemn assemblies (Joel 2:15-17) which involve confession, repentance, dedication, and obedience to the voice of God   (2 Chronicles 7:14; Romans 12:1; James 4:8-10).
• Reaffirmation of our belief and daily practice of Biblical holiness and personal integrity (1 Corinthians 7:34; 2 Corinthians 7:1; Colossians 1:21, 22; 1 Thessalonians 2:7, 8; 2 Timothy 1:9; Hebrews 12:14).
• That our clergy and laity seek for vision and passion, both of which are born in and maintained by prayer (Joel 2:28; Acts 26:19; Romans 9:2, 3; 1 Thessalonians 2:7, 8).
• A renewed commitment to become more responsive to the voice of God to our society for justice, righteousness, and all other Scriptural principles rather than a mere echo of popular opinion (Luke 3:4; Acts 4:10-12; Ephesians 6:20; 1 Thessalonians 5:20; Micah 6:6-12; Amos 5:1-27).

In this session we have looked at the doctrinal and practical commitments of the Church of God. We have seen how our vision and mission in ministry must flow out of our commitments to the truths of God’s word.

We should end this session by carefully examining our conformity and effectiveness in living out our faith in Jesus Christ.

We have seen how people in churches can quibble, quarrel, and divide.  This discord can become so destructive that a congregation may have a great schism and divide.

There will always be unhappy, dysfunctional people in churches whose behavior promotes discord.  This causes all leaders to spend a great disproportionate amount of time in conflict management.  One of the primary tasks of leaders is to promote a spirit of cohesiveness and fellowship throughout the church.  Internal discord or dissensions often make churches the target of sneers and shaming from outsiders.

Churches are torn by pettiness, immaturity, and carnality.  They are crippled by interpersonal tensions and power struggles.  All church leaders, clergy and laity, must stand strong and follow a strategy and lifestyle that promotes unity and cohesiveness.

The average length of a pastoral tenure in the United States is less than three years.  The brief tenure of the average pastor is a problem for everyone involved and can reflect deficiencies on the part of pastors and/or laity.

Sometimes a brief pastorate is God’s plan for the church and the minister. However, some pastors behave inappropriately, use poor judgment, lose touch with God and/or the people and bring trouble upon themselves.  They may be offensive in the pulpit, err in church business meetings, become too aggressive, use unwise tactics, or fail in one-on-one relationships.

Whatever the reasons are, pastoral resignations and firings are on the increase.  In some denominations in the United States, as many as 10% of their pastors are fired or forced to leave each year.

Pastors are often bruised, battered, and disillusioned with ministry in the local church.  Even though their personal faith in Christ and in their ministry calling remains strong, they seriously doubt the worthiness of pastoral ministry.

A fact of pastoral ministry and lay ministry is burnout.  Denominational leaders who deny the reality of burnout probably have not pastored in a long time.  Most burned-out pastors stay in the ministry and move from church to church in an apparent hope of finding a church where they can feel fulfilled and believe that they are making a difference.  The time has come that we must do something to alleviate leadership ineffectiveness, burnout, and drop out which is decimating the church.

Every minister (laity and clergy) must make personal development and ministry enrichment a high priority.  If we do not, we will be neither versatile nor flexible enough to make the changes that the times demand.  There are many signs of the entropy or impotence we see today bringing deterioration to the church. 

Some of those signs are as follows:

• Men and women who have lost a sense of divine call to leadership ministry.
• A tendency toward superficiality.
• A lack of training of lay leaders designed to enable and release them for ministry.
• A “dark tension” among key people.
• Problem-makers outnumbering problem-solvers.
• Leaders who are pessimistic about the prospect of change and growth.
• An obsession with numerical and statistical success.
• A lack of purpose and vision.
• Leaders who will only play it safe, protecting their power base
• A focus on an administrative leadership to the neglecting of a spiritual leadership.
• A trend away from women involved in ministry.
• A rise in racial tension and abuse.
• A constant decline in the membership of Christian denominations.
• A rejection of the church by young people.
• A lack of clearly emerging leaders who have the respect of vast numbers of Christians.
• A rejection of Christian values by the media and society in general.

We are facing times of great transformational shifts.  These are shifts that could shatter some of the old ideas and structures.  We need transformational leaders who will be rocks of stability and spiritual vision.  We need leaders full of youthful zest and passion but without youthful disorder.  We need leaders who possess wisdom and maturity without becoming rigid and stuck in tradition.

One of our major concerns is the dismal reality of the trend toward spectator religion.  One of the most disconcerting realities in the church today is that we have so many Christians who are spiritually dysfunctional and uninvolved.

Some people become vagabonds, drifting from church to church.  Often they drop out of local church attendance completely and become enamored with the TV (media) church.  Others gravitate to the pews of large churches where they are entertained by religious performers.  Thus, many of these professing Christians become mere attendants in a contemporary brand of pseudo-Christianity.

Leaders must find ways to rekindle the spiritual vitality of this enormous resource of people.  One of the keys is the development of lay leaders who will be activated for ministry and who will model ministry before the onlookers.

Holy Spirit empowered ministry is functionally crippled or non-existent in many churches.  Ineffective, dying churches can be found everywhere.  These churches are spiritually stagnant in spite of nice buildings and lawns.  Even some churches with large crowds and an array of feverish activity have little sign of spiritual life and ministry.

There is a lack of discipleship ministry in most churches.  Evangelistic outreach to the community on the part of an anointed laity is almost a thing of the past.  Real ministry in a local church ought to consist of feeding the hungry, caring for the sick and elderly, strengthening the weak, equipping the saints, visiting the prisoners, reaching the children and the like!

Churches are not ministering more because laity are not being trained, developed, or motivated.  Worship is not really meaningful in many churches because a passion and hunger for a touch from God has been lost.  When a church is weak and has lost a sense of purpose and divine touch, the leadership (clergy and laity) must accept responsibility.

Leadership influences people and shapes movements!  The results of local church ministry depend upon the quality of the leaders and upon the appropriateness of their conduct.  Our lack of vibrant ministering churches reveals our need for better leadership in local churches.

Christianity is craving genuine, compelling leadership.  Warren Bennis told at a leadership conference in North Carolina in 1987, “Instead of leaders, we have celebrities, stars, heroes.”  When are we going to realize the kind of leadership we need in the church?  We have seen some heroes fall, some churches die, and our moral fiber ruined.

Sometimes clergy take too much blame for church problems and failures and too much credit for church successes.  True spiritual success requires leaders who are in touch with God and who are committed to develop lay leadership.

May it never again be said that “the Church of God is a preacher’s church.”  The clergy is not the ruling class and laity the inferior class.  We are all ministers and in need of developing our gifts and learning to fulfill our callings.

Leaders must never use power in a way that abuses their privilege.  Each Christian must live under the discipline of Scriptural authority.  Leaders must be careful to act within the guidelines of Scripture and respect the priesthood of all believers.  Leaders are respected when they do not abuse their power or position.

Never are church leaders to think of their status as lordship, but as servanthood.  Note the following about true spiritual leaders:

• Spiritual leaders do not dominate, they serve.
• Spiritual leaders do not command, they guide.
• Spiritual leaders do not manipulate, they teach.
• Spiritual leaders are not lords, they are models and ministers.

Whenever these truths are ignored, church leaders become dictators, overbearing and ugly. The love of preeminence, greatness, and authority is the antithesis of Biblical leadership.  Leaders must remind themselves that they are servants of the church; their power is the power of example, teacher, and servant.

The real power of leaders is the Word of God spoken through them and exemplified in them!

The only kind of power that is moral in a spiritual setting is the power of personal spiritual authenticity.  Spiritual authenticity is the validity of the Word of God and the Holy Spirit demonstrated in the lives of leaders.  The leader influences others not by the power of personality or by persuasive tricks, but by a life irradiated and empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Church leaders should not be selected and entrusted with authority merely because of their expertise or skills as evaluated by secular standards; however, this is often done.

Service and spiritual authenticity must be the basic criteria for leadership.  Therefore, we must have and always use programs of supervision and mentoring as required prerequisites for leadership.

A spiritual leader must not be judged by the materialistic standards or criteria of the world.  We must never forget the basic task of spiritual leadership is the development of relationships with people that will enable them to achieve the purposes and goals of God (Ephesians 4:14-16).

Spiritual leaders help followers identify the mission of the church and to believe that they have a vital part and must perform their role.  Effective leaders instill a sense of identity and direction in their followers.  Effective spiritual leadership must have a passion for evangelism and discipleship.

Let’s look at some additional examples of effective leaders.

1. They never rest till others share their passion for souls.
2. They are impatient with bureaucracy and go straight to matters of real ministry.
3. They initiate programs that will produce gifted, mature, ministering saints.
4. They change or eliminate non-productive programs.
5. They train people rather than doing the work themselves.
6. Their management style is that of a gentle, affectionate father.
7. They do not set goals for the church but they help the church set its own goals so that the church will grow in the process, own its goals, see them as worthwhile, and be motivated to achieve them.
8. They do not make plans for the church, but they involve many people in planning.
9. Pastors must do the necessary administrative tasks, and they must do it so well that they will have time for their primary tasks of prayer, preaching-teaching, discipling, and shepherding.
10. They must be extremely sensitive to the Holy Spirit and demonstrate loving service to the body.

Holy Spirit empowered ministry is functionally crippled or non-existent in many churches.  Ineffective, dying churches can be found everywhere.  These churches are spiritually stagnant in spite of nice buildings and lawns.  Even some churches with large crowds and an array of feverish activity have little sign of spiritual life and ministry.

There is a lack of discipleship ministry in most churches.  Evangelistic outreach to the community on the part of an anointed laity is almost a thing of the past.  Real ministry in a local church ought to consist of feeding the hungry, caring for the sick and elderly, strengthening the weak, equipping the saints, visiting the prisoners, reaching the children and the like!

Churches are not ministering more because laity are not being trained, developed, or motivated.  Worship is not really meaningful in many churches because a passion and hunger for a touch from God has been lost.  When a church is weak and has lost a sense of purpose and divine touch, the leadership (clergy and laity) must accept responsibility.

Leadership influences people and shapes movements!  The results of local church ministry depend upon the quality of the leaders and upon the appropriateness of their conduct.  Our lack of vibrant ministering churches reveals our need for better leadership in local churches.

Christianity is craving genuine, compelling leadership.  Warren Bennis told at a leadership conference in North Carolina in 1987, “Instead of leaders, we have celebrities, stars, heroes.”  When are we going to realize the kind of leadership we need in the church?  We have seen some heroes fall, some churches die, and our moral fiber ruined.

Sometimes clergy take too much blame for church problems and failures and too much credit for church successes.  True spiritual success requires leaders who are in touch with God and who are committed to develop lay leadership.

May it never again be said that “the Church of God is a preacher’s church.”  The clergy is not the ruling class and laity the inferior class.  We are all ministers and in need of developing our gifts and learning to fulfill our callings.

During this season of marriage a heavy dose of reality sets in.  The kids and careers bring on enormous pressures.  As you look at your husband (or wife), this perfect partner is not so perfect after all.  If this is the Garden of Eden, why are there so many thorns?  Who’s sorry now?  Or what happens when reality sinks in?

At this point in the life of a couple in ministry, some inevitable changes are going to take place.  Deep problems can arise; however, what is looking hopeless can turn back to a bright promise.  A good union can be made even better.  The key is to find and manage the sources of trouble and change.

Following are some hints of trouble to watch out for as a minister and spouse enter and live through this second passage.

• chronic financial distress
• in-law problems and unresolved childhood conflicts and yearnings
• family imbalances (chronic fighting, sexual dysfunction, problems with and about children
• emotional distress, anxiety, depression, addictions, or driving compulsions

Many of the problems a couple faces in later years do not show up at all in premarital dating.  During early marriage a couple is literally blinded by love.  Then the pressures of life and ministry responsibilities shake their marriage and they both seem to change before each other’s eyes.

The husband (minister) is usually under intense pressure, sapping his energy, to keep up with his multiple responsibilities and to provide for his family.

The wife is also deeply enmeshed in the church responsibilities and possibly her own career also.  Both spouses feel these pressures and stresses.  The wife is strung-out, exhausted, trying to meet all the needs of husband, home, church, and career (and maybe children).  She works “second shift” also by holding down a job and coming home to the family chores and various church activities.

The wife gets a massive dose of disillusionment as she views the never-ending loads of laundry, dirty dishes, phone calls, hospital visits, committee meetings, church crises, and screaming kids.

Complacency is the big disease of this passage.  What was once new is commonplace, and there is nothing new and exciting to take its place.  Sex becomes a mechanical thing with a specific purpose.  All of this results in considerable potential for an affair.

Strengthening the bond of marriage for a couple in ministry, during the second passage (3-10 years) of marriage, requires attention to the following tasks:

1) Hang on to love after reality strikes.

Research shows that the highest divorce rate hovers somewhere around that seventh-year period.  All too often, people do not see it coming.

People become disillusioned with aspects of life, marriage, and ministry.  The struggles for success cause great doubt and anxiety.  Spouses get so busy fulfilling their roles in life that they seem to start going their separate ways.  They lose the sense of partnership in ministry!

Complacency, a form of boredom, can literally destroy a relationship and partnership.  This is why the unconditional love, talked about earlier, is so important.  Unless we can accept our mate unconditionally, we will expect them to make us happy.

We must, first of all, take responsibility for our own happiness.  Learn to like yourself and feel good about your accomplishments.  Follow your God-given dreams.  Be a spiritual and visionary leader as you obey God’s call.

Allow for changes in life and change in your spouse and learn to adapt.  Avoid falling into ruts in life.  Remember the need for variety, romance, and humor!  Build beautiful memories as you and your partner journey through life.

2) Child proof your marriage.

Having children adds enormous stress to a marriage.  Children multiply the opportunities for friction.  Disagreements, power struggles, and differences in opinions intensify in child rearing.

Having children creates for a couple heavy financial pressures.  For a young couple in ministry on very low salaries, most pastors may really feel the financial pressures of providing for children.

As parents, prepare yourselves in every way possible to work through and manage the stresses of parenting.  Remember that parenting is another area in which you and your spouse are role models to those you serve in ministry.

3) Continually renew and maintain your marital contract/commitment.

The second passage of marriage requires a great deal of adjustment and it requires true commitment.

Broken promises, weak commitments, and conflicts create anger in couples.  Unresolved anger leads to bitterness.  Bitterness destroys intimacy and leads to a betrayal of the marriage contract and partnership.

A couple who are partners in ministry must quickly resolve anger and give forgiveness.  As partners, both the wife and the husband must:

• admit their feelings
• commit to forgive
• give a little
• avoid retaliation
• work on restoration
• determine to be honest
• affirm each other in a positive way
• always seek to grow together spiritually
• always be uncompromisingly faithful
• watch out for any temptations to have an affair, even to have a mental fantasy affair
• develop intimacy
• show love in every way possible

The minister and his wife can get so wrapped up in church work and careers, kids, and a host of extraneous, time-consuming activities that they find themselves fallen into a rut.  A minister’s wife often feels her place during this passage is as her husband’s old shoe … comfortable, but wearing out.  A wife can begin to feel not only bored but bitter about the relationship.

During this time many minister’s wives begin to resent their husband’s obsessive-compulsive work habits.  The ministry seems to be taking more and more of his time and he has become less and less attentive to his wife and family.

Minister’s wives are very vulnerable during this third passage.  Their healthy relationship can drift in one of two ways. (1) They become codependent and enmeshed or (2) they become alienated/estranged and hostile.  Sometimes they even drift from periods of enmeshment (possessive dependent control of each other) to agitated hostility.

During this passage the minister’s wife must work hard at maintaining her own individual identity, along with her identity as a minister’s wife.  As we feel we are losing real intimacy in our marriage, we become afraid of various things.  A minister’s wife might honestly say:

• “I am afraid of being a failure as a wife/mother.”
• “I am afraid I am not worthy of my spouse’s love.”
• “I am afraid of failing in my career.”
• “I am afraid to let my true self be known to my spouse because he wouldn’t like me very much if I did.”
• “I am afraid to let myself be vulnerable, so I won’t open up.  I have been hurt too many times.”
• “I am afraid I am not worthy of God’s love.”
• “I am afraid of abandonment.  I don’t feel my spouse loves me.”
• “I am afraid that it is only his ministry that keeps us married.”
• “I am afraid to be assertive.  I feel that any effort to stand up to my spouse will trigger more rejection.”

You may find it difficult to identify your fears and list them, but you must before you can overcome them.  What can you do to help yourself?

• Rebuild your personal identity.
• Don’t neglect yourself.
• Take responsibility for your life.
• Some important final good-byes must be said.
  – Say good-bye to parents.
  – Say good-bye to earthly security.
  – Say good-bye to illusions/fantasies.
• Say hello to intimacy by identifying the things that have pulled you apart.
• Identify those things that draw you together and build on them.
• Say hello to conflict.  Resolving conflict is a crucial tool for building intimacy in your relationship and minimizing issues that wedge between you and your spouse.
• Break some old patterns of communication and build new ones.
• Overcome the now-or-never syndrome – change comes slowly and things may not be as bad as they seem.
• Accept your spouse as he is. Remember that few people, if any, married the person of their dreams!  The reason is that the person of our dreams and the person we can attract are often very different.  It doesn’t do any good to dwell on the thought that you probably could have done a lot better eleven years (or so) ago.
• Build up your spouse and forgive him.

We talked about having to say good-bye to some things during this passage.  The older you are in this passage, the more you will find it necessary to accept certain losses and let go.  It may become necessary to:

• Say goodbye to lost youth.
• Say goodbye to lost health.
• Say goodbye to past dreams.
• Say goodbye to the wonder years.
• Say hello to adolescent struggles.
• Say hello to power struggles.
• Say hello to financial struggles.
• Say hello to new opportunities for intimacy and closeness.

We have spent a lot of time on this third passage but it is so very important and fits with many married interns.  This passage is the best of times and the worst of times.  It involves mid-life crisis, rebellious teenagers, job changes, economic swings, and a hundred other storms that can batter your marriage relationship.

Deciding your place involves much more than whether you will be involved in children’s ministry or ladies ministry or choir, etc.  I firmly believe that if you have a strong steadfast loving relationship with your minister spouse, you will discover your gifts and through exploration find where you fit in a career and ministry.  Your role in his ministry will change, grow, shift as you move, get older, have children, etc.  Most of all, discover your own identity and keep intimacy alive with your spouse.

In this lecture we will not explore the other passages of marriage, but let’s list them for your awareness and future exploration.

During this stage the kids leave, careers peak out, and the meaning and purpose of life alter somewhat.  What now?

What a history this couple has with more than thirty-five years of marriage.  Love and satisfaction with each other can reach its highest point ever during this passage.  Goals and motivations greatly change as a couple moves toward the retirement years and see their youth fade forever.

Deciding your place as a minister’s wife is not easy and the task varies depending on your stage in life as you and your husband enter the ministry.

God wants the two of you to be real partners in the spiritual journey of ministry.  The wise husband will draw his wife close to him and make her his most trusted and appreciated friend and helper.  As you labor together, the bond of love, unity, loyalty, and partnership will grow throughout your life and ministry.

Carefully work your way through the passages of marriage and never allow anythng in this world to come between you!