INTRODUCTION

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it” Psalm 127:1 (NKJV).

A couple should have a “leave and cleave” mentality.  Commitment has to be based on trust and unconditional love.  We live in a society that has grown up with a “disposable” mindset.   With that in mind, a committed wife will exert every effort to make her home a safe haven.  She will build her home with the bricks and mortar of encouragement, affirmation, and support.  Loyalty to the marriage must be paramount.  A wife must resist the urge, in difficult times, the fight and flight mentality,  the intent must not be to just try to avoid a divorce but to strengthen the relationship.  It would be well if all couples could practice the following mini-course in their marriage relationship:

• Six most important words:  I admit I made a mistake.
• Five most important words:  You did a good job.
• Four most important words:  What is your opinion?
• Three most important words:  I love you.
• Two most important words:  Thank you.
• Most important word:  We

It is possible for any woman, regardless of her genes that were handed her, to enhance her attractiveness.   All bodies, male and female, must be taken care of.  If proper care is not given “your dash will flash” just as in your automobile to signal that something is wrong.

It takes hard work to make a marriage work.  It is important that a wife respect her husband by dressing as attractively as she possibly can and taking good care of herself physically.  Just because the ceremony is over doesn’t give a wife the right to lose the obligation to be the charming, fascinating, appealing, and engaging person she was during the courtship.  Certainly, the husband should see to it that his wife has some time “for herself” and occasional funds for that “all important” shopping therapy.  Attractiveness is doing the best with what you have.  A wife should ask herself the following questions:  “Do I really care about the way I look?”  “Have I changed for the better since we got married?”   “Does my choice of style enhance my features?”

A woman needs to be attractive when she speaks. Some women are beautiful until they open their mouth and begin to speak critically, negatively, and harshly.  Sarcastic “put downs” and “labeling”  should be removed from the vocabulary.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt,” (Colossians 4:6).

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.  A wholesome tongue is a tree of life”  (Proverbs 15: 1, 4).

Communication is a two way street of sharing, understanding, and listening.   Both husband and wife need the ability to share openly and honestly without the fear of being rejected.  Husbands need to understand that women need to talk and do not necessarily need everything to be “fixed.”

Suggested ways to improve your communication:

• Communicate in a safe place.
• Pray for each other.
• Find something to affirm in your spouse.
• Ask forgiveness.
• Own your own feelings.
• Delete “You never” or “you always” from your communication.
• Attack the issue, not him.
• Recognize the power of your words (Proverbs 18:21).
• Do not constantly bring up the past and his faults.
• Give frequent verbal pats and hugs.
• Don’t retaliate.

The tongue can be an instrument that will destruct your marriage or cause growth.  “Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.  See how great a forest a little fire kindles,” (James 3:5).

“Discretion will preserve you; understanding will keep you,” (Proverbs 2:11). “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing, (Proverbs 12:18).

Don’t play verbal tennis – always interrupting or correcting him in public. One wise husband suggested that the question be asked before correcting his wife…“Will it make any difference twenty years from now to the listeners?”   Communicate what you mean and don’t expect your husband to play mind games.  It is unfair to try to correct him with the silent treatment.  If your husband tends to forget important occasions, be sure to mark those important dates on his calendar and post them on the refrigerator as a gentle nudge.

Our communication should be filtered through Ephesians 4:28, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”

Husbands and wives differ in their perception of communication.   Scientific findings indicate that the mass of fibers that connect both the right and left hemispheres of the brain are larger in proportion to brain weight in women than in men.  This may account for the ability by women to exchange information right to left, which may account for their greater verbal skills.   Husbands like “report” talk and wives enjoy “rapport” talk.   Men think exclusively and women think inclusively.   She can jump in and out of topics without energy drain.  This is probably why women have been known to speak 140 words a minute with gusts up to 180! The husband, on the other hand, probably has only about eight words left while she has hundreds left to go!  Women solve their problems by talking them through.  Men, on the other hand, think through their problems.

“And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him,” (Genesis 2:18).

Caring will put a handle on love.  Do you treat your spouse with the same respect you give your friends?   We must make our marriage commitment a priority.  The quality of the marriage will be a direct result of the attention given to the relationship.

Set some commitment goals to demonstrate your care and concern for the relationship:

1. Set aside time to plan a yearly family tradition.
2. Develop a relationship with other couples who share your values.
3. Don’t become a “sports widow.”  Take up a mutual sport.
4. Go out to dinner as a couple at least once a month.
5. Save for a special trip.
6. Read a book on marriage together.
7. Plan time for quality time.
8. Build your relationship by learning to give and take.

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition, but in lowliness of mind, let each other esteem others better than himself” (Philippians 2:3).

“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God,” (I Corinthians 11:3).

A wife owes submission to Christ first and then to her husband.  Submission simply means that we accept him as leader and believe in his God-given responsibilities.   Submission does not give the husband the authority to “lord” over his wife.  Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it.  He is commanded to be the spiritual leader of the home and to be a teammate in raising their children.  When a wife is loved in this way, submission is easy.  Actually, submission isn’t a hard thing when both husband and wife honor each other by supporting the mission, goal, and objective of each other.

A fulfilling marriage is possible if the persons involved will focus on the needs of each other rather than on their own.   A successful marriage takes prayer, time, support, encouragement, appreciation, affirmation, and commitment.