The Bible uses the word “disciple,” which in a nutshell, defines the concept of mentoring.  The word disciple, used in the New Testament, comes from the Greek word mathetes, which means “a learner, pupil, or student.”  It refers to a student who would join or attach himself to the teacher.  The goal of the student was to become a teacher in his own right and continue the tradition of the teacher or his master.  In the New Testament, the word disciple takes on a new significance because of its relationship to Jesus Christ.  It is used primarily to identify the followers of Jesus.  Its most common usage refers to those who were followers, learners, pupils, or students of Christ.  The common usage refers to a disciple of Christ as a committed Christian believer.

From Christ’s perspective, He spent the majority of His ministry investing in twelve men, not ministering to the multitude.  He trained the Twelve.  That sends a message to leaders today of the importance of training and equipping others.  That is the whole basis of ministering.  In a three-year ministry, Jesus took twelve men whose records were not that good and trained them for worldwide ministry.  The Scripture passage that perhaps best describes the mentoring process is found in Ephesians 4:11, 12:  “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ might be built up” (NIV).  That Scripture can be revolutionary. Sometimes, people read it from the perspective of thinking that they are to do the work of ministry as an apostle, as a prophet, as a teacher, and as a pastor.  However, the minister’s responsibility is to train people to do the work of ministry.  Pastors talk about how many members they have, but according to this Scripture, everyone should be a minister.  If leaders were to emphasize “ministership,” instead of membership, quite a revolution would take place in the church of Jesus Christ.  On Sunday morning in a typical church, people come together to celebrate.  And that is rightly so, but there has to be that personal involvement in life-changing experiences to cause people to go out and get involved in ministry.  If believers just show up on Sunday and have some type of emotional catharsis, then they have missed it all.

However, Jesus trained and commissioned His disciples.  Thus, the minister’s major role today is to train and equip people to do the work of ministry.  That is done in smaller groups—Jesus trained the Twelve.  That was His ministry role.  And Paul says in Ephesians that it is the work of the church to train and equip people to do the works of Christ.  Christ became the mentor of His disciples, and He has called each person to a specific role.  Acceptance of the call to follow Him means to listen to Him and be willing to learn and understand in obedience.

The purpose of mentoring is to prepare individuals for service—the building up of the body of Christ.  Jesus was the perfect mentoring example, and His goal was to equip people for ministry:  to train the Twelve to train others to multiply themselves.  The genius of this whole matter is to invest oneself in someone else.  If a leader can transfer what is inside of him into another individual, he has duplicated himself over and over again, and the kingdom of God grows.  It is the leader’s job to teach people about the journey toward wholeness and to let it be obvious through his own life.  This process shows the growth in grace and knowledge of Christ, how Christ’s image is formed in an individual, and the maturity which comes through prayer, worship, and relationship.  These spiritual foundations are sometimes caught as much as they are taught.  The mentor can do his most effective work sometimes when the principles are caught more than taught.  Thus, in the Biblical foundation, one understands that in the New Testament and in the life of Christ, emphasis is placed on taking people aside, flowing into them, letting them understand one’s heart and burden. Then they will go and do what the mentor does.

Leaders need to pick people who can carry on the work of ministry and train them to do what God has given them special gifts to do. A wise leader will train and equip these workers to do what he would do himself.  If a leader does not, he will get himself so tied down doing the small individual tasks that he will not be able to do the important work he was called to do.  But if others are helping, then the leader multiplies his own ministry.

A mentor is defined as “a wise, loyal adviser, a teacher, a coach.”  Simply stated, a mentor is someone who helps someone learn something the learner would otherwise have learned less well, more slowly, or not at all.  Mentors are not necessarily power figures; they are wise and loyal advisers.  Sometimes, learning from a mentor, is much more effective than learning from a book, because it is played out in the mentor’s life for all to see.  A mentor is someone who helps another understand and offers guidance on how to be successful.  Typically, mentoring is focused on one person; whereas, an educator trains or teaches a group.  All good leaders should be mentors.  The difference between a mentor and a teacher is that usually a teacher is paid to provide training in a specific discipline; whereas, a mentor is a friend who gives time and knowledge without asking for anything in return.  It is a matter of investing oneself.

Primary: The most important mentor is one’s primary mentor—the person one talks to about a wide variety of questions.  This is the individual who is most important to an individual in the mentoring process.  This is the person one focuses on most—the person one asks when it comes to any issue.  One’s primary mentor may change as one progresses through the various stages of life.

Secondary: A secondary mentor is the person one goes to for specific areas of life.  The primary mentor is the one who influences the protégé in all ways; but a secondary mentor is the one who has a particular gift the protégé wants or a particular insight that he needs. It is quite possible that a person may have one primary mentor and several secondary mentors.

Structured mentoring versus informal mentoring: A structured mentoringprogram is one with a set protocol and a list of rules.  A formal mentoring system will give a fixed list of things to do and then follow up.  An informal mentoring relationship can be very productive, but it is more casual and lacks clear guidelines.  It is characterized by a more personal and relaxed environment.  The informal mentoring approach may not have designated meetings or appointments with specific goals.  It may simply be a chat or an exchange of ideas.

Active versus passive: The active mentor is one who is routinely available to the protégé and is involved in his or her life.  The active mentorlooks out for things that will interest his protégé, even frequently calling and asking how he is doing.  An active mentor is participative, taking action on the learner’s behalf.  On the other hand, a passive mentor may help someone who is less experienced on an occasional basis.  He may just keep an eye on the protégé.  He does not initiate anything, but one always knows that his mentor is looking out for his well being.  Also, a passive mentor may be a momentary mentor who provides a quick piece of wisdom, leaving an indelible impression.  The passive mentor is not actively participating in a relationship; however, he may have a profound influence on the learner’s ministry.

Long-term and short-term mentoring: Long-term mentors may be available for many years, while short-term mentors may be involved in a momentary episode in somebody’s life.  Primary mentors are more likely to be long term.  Secondary mentors are more likely to be short term.

Group mentoring.

Momentary mentors.

There are four basic traits of the protégé who is successful in the mentoring process. First, a protégé should always respect the mentor’s time.  There is a difference between being involved and becoming someone who clings to the mentor.  One of the greatest traps to mentoring is that a few people dominate the mentor’s time.  So, as a protégé, one should always respect the time and the effort that the mentor is investing in this process.

Second, the protégé should take action on the information that is provided by the mentor.  The learner should earn the right to hear the secrets of the mentor.  This is accomplished by taking action on the tasks that he has assigned.  If the learner does not take action, then he has hurt himself because he lengthens the time involved in learning the secrets that the mentor has to share.  When learners know what to do, but procrastinate and do not do it, that is really taking advantage of the mentor’s time and effort by not fulfilling what he is showing them how to do.

Third, the protégé should show respect for the mentor’s efforts to open new doors.  The learner must decide to go through the doors the mentor opens for him.  One should always remember to honor and respect the mentor’s efforts.

Fourth, the protégé should pass on the gift of mentoring by taking on a protégé himself.  One must be willing to pass on anything that he has been given.  After all, someone invested in him.

As a protégé, there should be some personality traits that are very important.  A protégé should have clearly defined goals for his life, not just aimlessly beating at the wind.  Furthermore, he should be willing to take directions.  Sometimes an individual cannot accept the help that is  given to him or listen to what others say.  If a protégé starts telling his mentor that a certain thing cannot take place, then he nullifies the whole process.  A protégé should be able to follow his mentor’s instructions.  Another important trait in the protégé is his willingness to ask for help.  For example, some people hate to ask for directions. Presumably, they hesitate to ask directions because they think that around the next corner they will recognize something and know the way.  In the mentoring process, however, one should never be ashamed or afraid to ask questions.  Sometimes, people think their questions are stupid.  If it is information they do not know, then the question is not stupid.  No one should hesitate to ask those kinds of questions.  Finally, a protégé should be a team player—someone who shares the credit with others.  Anything the learner accomplishes, he should give credit by saying, “This is because of someone else’s involvement in me.”

First, the mentoring process enables one to continue with his personal legacy.  It seems that it would be important to have one’s life written on the pages of a man’s heart rather than on a slab of granite somewhere else.  When one has created something, he wants that work to be carried on after he is gone.  Hopefully, a mentor will instill information in a protégé that will be carried on.

Second, mentoring will keep a person sharp.  The best possible way to learn something is to teach it to someone else.  Someone said the best way to remember what was taught in class is to come back and teach it to his congregation.  That is one of the benefits of being a mentor—it will keep one sharp in the ways that he has developed. Helping someone less experienced keeps one up-to-date on things that one may need to share.

Third, mentoring forces one to set an example.  When one is teaching someone else, he is more attentive to details.  Mentoring requires setting the example for someone else who is expecting his mentor to show him how to do things correctly.

Fourth, mentoring encourages creativity.  Mentoring helps one to exercise personal creativity.  Mentoring forces one to provide a variety of options, actions, or steps that the protégé can take.  Mentoring helps one to get creative and step out of the box.  Mentoring causes the individual not to look at what he sees within the box, but to see all the possibilities.

Fifth, mentoring provides a window to “get by giving.”  One will not win material wealth as a result of being a mentor; however, he may win the hearts of people who will forever be grateful.  The adage is true, one “gets by giving.”  Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:33, KJV).

Sixth, mentoring enhances one’s value to another.  What greater thrill to a mentor or to someone who is working for the building of the kingdom of God than to see someone doing what he wanted to do, and he can see their actions and their efforts reflecting his.  What a benefit that is to those who are mentoring.  When Jesus called His disciples, He said, “Follow Me.”  That is the mentoring process.  When Jesus invested in those men, they continued the work of the kingdom of God.  In fact, the Book of Acts records the continuation of His ministry.  That is the joy of mentoring and discipleship.

The first qualification for becoming a mentor is to give of one’s time unselfishly.  In fact, this is the foremost requirement.  A mentor cannot ask himself, “What’s in it for me?”  A true mentor will give of himself unselfishly.  The second qualification for becoming a mentor is to possess a desired skill or experience.  A mentor must have an experience that will be found valuable.  Third, a mentor needs to be able to empower his protégé by sharing knowledge.  One should have a desire to share experiences and help others.  One must be able to communicate information to another person for it to have any value.  Finally, becoming a mentor requires a commitment on the mentor’s part.  He must make a definite commitment to be willing to share his time and knowledge.

Nurture a positive character by helping to develop the learner’s talent, as well as positive mental and ethical traits.  A protégé must be ethically sensitive if he expects to succeed.  A mentor should teach a protégé the value of upright character, as well as the downside of unethical behavior.  One must also emphasize to the learner that a personal relationship with Christ is extremely important; in fact, there are no shortcuts for prayer or spiritual sensitivity.  Doing a particular job is not as important as conducting one’s life according to Biblical principles.  One’s life should be built on the foundation of a moral, ethical character.

The mentor should promote autonomy—make the protégé independent, not dependent. The mentor’s objective is to make the protégé independent of him.  The learner may need some help, but he should not become so dependent on the mentor doing all the thinking for him that he cannot function alone.  In order to help the learner become independent, one must allow him to actually perform the task a few times. “Hands-on” learning will help him to understand the concept quicker, because he is applying what has been taught to him, thereby becoming accountable.  In actuality, the mentor is going to be working himself out of a job.  That is the real test of leadership—producing someone who can continue without the mentor.

The mentor should be responsible to the protégé, but not for him.  A mentor should never feel responsible for a learner’s behavior or success.  A mentor is not the learner’s parent.  A mentor is responsible to the protégé for doing what he says he will do and giving the best advice and counsel possible.  If a mentor takes the mentoring relationship too seriously and assumes responsibility for how the protégé turns out, then the mentor will be exerting too much control over the person by assuming a level of responsibility that can lead to severe frustration.

Conversely, the protégé should be careful about becoming too dependent upon a single mentor.  Mentors are not in the security business; they are in the opportunity business.  The responsibility will, in the end, rest with the protégé to do what he is supposed to do.  Sometimes mentors are too hard on themselves, thinking they are responsible for their learner.  The bottom line is that everybody is responsible for himself—even the protégé.  Mentors must instill in their protégés that regardless of what happens, the responsibility is theirs for the development of their lives and their futures.

A mentoring relationship must share failures as well as successes.  Being involved in the mentoring relationship means being open, sharing mistakes and failures, as well as successes.  A protégé needs to hear about the errors a mentor made along the way, as well as his accomplishments.  Mentoring is about how to go through and endure painful challenges that emerge while trying to accomplish goals.  If one avoids sharing past and present failures, it creates an unrealistic picture of the price that must be paid to reach a goal.  Sometimes, ministers could be accused of painting a rosy picture, especially about pulpit ministry.  It is not negative, but realistic to point out to learners that they are going to have some successes in their lives and they are going to have some failures in their lives.  It is not unusual to fail, but when looking at some people who seem to be so successful, it is easy to think that they could never make a mistake or have any failure in their lives.  Naturally, the learner thinks that he could never live up to that standard.   A successful mentor, however, will share with the protégé the failures of his life.

In order for the mentoring relationship to work, both mentor and protégé must agree on what they want to accomplish together.  Goals should be specific, measurable, and linked to a timetable.  At the beginning of the relationship is a good time to set objectives.  These objectives should be designed to express what it is that the mentor wants to impart to his protégé.   If the objectives are foundational truths, then they can be applied to any job or any working situation.  These planned objectives come from the mentor’s wisdom and life experiences.  Since both mentor and protégé have agreed on these objectives, the learner’s accomplishments are rewarding for both of them.

One should monitor, review, critique, and discuss potential action, not just expect performance without inspection.  If a mentor simply points the way without reviewing the results, it will not be as effective as the protégé and the mentor discussing together the outcome of a plan to determine what happened and why.  It is the responsibility of the mentor to monitor, review and critique the work of the protégé.  It is the mentor who possesses sufficient experience to know whether an action is effective and evaluate the learner’s performance.  The challenge is to set up an accountability process. In spiritual mentoring, there should always be an accountability process, because it helps one to grow in his ministry.  For example, a mentor might ask such questions as, Are you praying?  What is your feeling on this? How do you see this?  What progress have you made? What are you doing?  What are your intentions?  So, the law of inspection makes the learner accountable about what he is being taught and what he is accomplishing.

There comes a time in most mentoring relationships where the protégé begins to become more dependent upon the mentor than can be healthy.  Most relationships create an atmosphere of mutual dependence.  However, the mentor must evaluate whether the learner’s reliance on him is being exaggerated.  If it is, it may be time to administer some tough love, meaning the mentor has to give the protégé a little shove in the direction of self-reliance and independence.  The main purpose of the mentoring relationship is to foster the learner’s growth and accomplishments.  Gentle encouragement is the best means with which to accomplish the refocus.

One of the challenges that one will face in a mentoring relationship is that the protégé will attach himself to the mentor and demand more of the mentor than he is prepared to give. In fact, the learner will even rely upon his mentor to make decisions for him.  In a pastoral setting, the ones who attach themselves seem to be the ones who have the most problems and the most difficulties.  “Tough love” is taking these people to a point and then telling them that they have reached the limit; otherwise, they will absorb most of the mentor’s time.  The role of mentoring is to help someone else get established so that he can stand on his own.  When this is accomplished, then he can reach out to someone else and impart what his mentor gave to him.  If, however, a dependency develops on the part of either the protégé or the mentor in a relationship, then the process has broken down.  The mentoring process should be one of leaving the person at a point and saying, “This is as far as we go. You’ve got to stand on your own now.”  This requires “tough love.”

The law of small successes uses the stepping-stone process to build on accomplishments and achieve great success.  Mentors should give protégés only as much help and information as they can digest.  Later they apply it so that they can build a foundation of experience on which to continue growing.  The success of a protégé should be accomplished in small increments, and both the mentor and the protégé should approach the objectives of the mentoring relationship one step at a time.  It is understood that there is a vast difference between where the protégé is in this training process and in his knowledge of a particular skill and where the mentor is.  The mentor has been down the road and knows the ropes, but the learner is just beginning the journey. So, it is important in the mentoring process to take small steps and recognize success.  Some people never come to the point of understanding that success is achieved little by little.  The truth is, when the great day of victory comes, it is the result of having made small decisions that were successful one on top of another.  So, the key is to build upon short-term successes and development, and not be prone to give up hope in this mentoring process because huge successes are not in view.

The law of direction involves teaching by giving options as well as direction.  This law is born out of the belief that usually there is more than one way to accomplish something.  The mentoring relationship is not that of a master and slave.  It is a voluntary relationship.  The mentor is a resource for the protégé.  It is important that the mentor adopt a style in which the options are offered as a way of encouraging the protégé to try new approaches.  The mentor should allow the protégé to choose the path that is best for him.  In an extreme situation, the law of direction provides for the mentor to be very explicit about what the protégé should do if he is confused about the next step.  So, the mentoring relationship should involve giving directions and expecting that they can be accomplished. Mentors should not be rash in judgment nor impatient as they wait for the protégé to reach the level they have reached. This is not a master-slave relationship; it is a mutual time of sharing.

The law of risk suggests that there is some risk involved in the mentoringprocess.   The mentor should be aware that failure on the part of the protégé might reflect back upon him, and the learner should realize that the mentor’s advice will not always work.  Once a mentor sponsors a protégé, there is visibility and exposure which entails public identification between the two. There are risks for both of them, and they should face the risks together. The bottom line is that the protégé must accept responsibility for his actions even though he is being advised by someone else. And the mentor must accept the fact that there will be times when the learner’s.

The law of mutual protection says that it is in the best interest of both the mentor and the protégé to protect each other’s reputations. This involves maintaining privacy and protecting integrity and character.  The pearls of wisdom shared with one another should go no further.  Nothing will destroy a relationship between a mentor and a protégé faster than for a protégé to tell something that the mentor has said that reflects back on him. When talking about successes and failures, sometimes confidential information is shared. To repeat what is said in another setting is a breach of confidence and is a violation of the law of mutual protection. The key factor in the relationship is trust. Both the mentor and the protégé must make a determined effort to earn each other’s confidence by respecting the privacy of the relationship. They should always realize that they are on the same team and the failure or inadequacy of one reflects on the other.

The law of communication says that the mentor and the protégé must balance listening with delivering information.  One of the secrets of success in a mentoring relationship is to use effective communication techniques.  An important ingredient of communication is reflection.  When the mentor or the protégé is speaking, the listener needs to mirror back the message.  A good technique is for the speaker to ask, “What did I just say to you?” The speaker will sometimes be amazed at the reply. The listener did not receive the message in the way it was intended. Then it becomes necessary to repeat the statement by saying, “No, that is not what I said. This is what I really said. This is what I meant.” Without good communication, the protégé can build up expectations that can never be accomplished. It is important that both mentor and protégé understand what is being said and that both are honest in their approaches.

The law of continued commitment means that the mentor should be prepared to go the extra mile and be available to the protégé when he is needed. The mentoring relationship extends beyond the nine-to-five business day and the traditional workplace. The point of mentoring is not only to pass on information, but also to inspire.  A kind word, an understanding ear, and a sympathetic response from someone is more important than specific problem-solving techniques.  The success of the mentoring relationship will depend to some extent on how accessible each is to the other.  A mentor should be able to see an individual for what he could be rather than for what he is today. Mentoring can very well be a lifetime commitment.

The law of life transition helps both the protégé and the mentor to enter the next stage of their lives or careers. Mentoring enhances the sense of self-worth on the part of a mentor and generally provides a positive self-image. This is critical if one is to obtain a sense of contribution for the future generation.  When mentors help their protégés enter the next stage of their ministries, they also lubricate the mental and emotional mechanisms that permit them to move forward toward the next stage of their own lives.  One of the things that mentors get out of the mentoring process is a close look at themselves as to where they are, what they are projecting, and what they are saying about themselves.

So, the law of life transition is about change. The one thing that never changes is the fact that life changes. Individuals are constantly involved in changing. As they face the processes of necessity and reality, their lives change and they move on to another stage.

The law of enjoyment says that mentoring should be a wonderful experience.  Mentors should laugh, smile, and enjoy the process; it should be a superlative experience.  When two people are involved in the mentoring process, it becomes an enriching part of their lives and that helps make it full of enjoyment.  When mentors enjoy the mentoring experience, their relationships stay fresh and dynamic.  If a good portion of mentoring activities is full of enjoyment, it will be a positive, healthy, and happy experience.  Everything should be done with joy and especially when imparting truth to someone else.  Life is so much easier when one enjoys what he is doing. So, one of the major laws of mentoring is the law of enjoyment.

When the principle is applied to a church setting, believers forget about vast numbers and concentrate on investing heavily in certain individuals who in turn can invest in others. Suppose a pastor starts a process in his church of investing in ten or twelve people, and those ten or twelve people were to invest in ten or twelve more, then almost immediately the church is over a hundred.  This is what happened in the early church. They went everywhere making disciples. A small group of believers, beginning in Jerusalem, shook the entire known world because they were imparting one to another.  That is the mentoring process: that is how believers will be able to build churches.  If this process is followed, when these believers are gone, others will be able to carry on.  It is so important for individuals to find someone who has been a success and allow him to share the secrets of his life with them. The challenge is for believers to find individuals who will invest in them, to find a true friend. One of the most important things in anybody’s life is to develop friends. There is nothing outside of faith in God and love for family more important than friends who will truthfully and objectively share their assessments of one’s life and activities. Pastors cannot always believe what someone says at the close of a service or what someone says about the presentation, but in a trusted friend they have a tremendous resource who will impart the truth to them. This is a resource that will make a difference in their effectiveness for the kingdom of God.

Flexibility involves learning to welcome newness.  Discipleship requires us to be flexible people who allow the fermentation of the Kingdom of God to shape us, as wineskins, rather than us trying to impose our willful rigidity on the Kingdom.

Kingdom strategy number two:  welcoming awareness means that citizenship in the Kingdom of God must be seen as an entirely new and unique life calling, not as something to be added to the old life.

Inflexibility is a symptom of spiritual unhealthiness.  Luke 5:31 says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.”  According to Jesus, all humans are spiritually unhealthy and need a doctor.  The only ones who recover are those who confess their illness.  People generally take one of the first three following approaches to their spiritual illness, which do not work; however, there is a fourth approach that does work.

• DENY

First, we may deny our own disease of spiritual unhealthiness.  Secular humanism denies sin and leaves us with no basis for morality or ethics. This option will not work.

• IGNORE

A second response to our spiritual illness is to admit its existence, but ignore the need to treat it.  For these people, it is too painful or humiliating to deal with their sin.  Their major symptom is called pride.  This option will not work.

• EXCUSE

Thirdly, we may try to excuse our disease by saying, “It’s not so bad.”  Thus, we compare ourselves to others who are worse than we are and thus take comfort in not being too badly infected.  This is unsound because God’s standard is perfection, absolute holiness, and spiritual wholeness, with no trace of disease.  All sin is to be eradicated and condemned. This option will not work.

• REPENT

We must repent and be flexible because God demands that we change, learn, grow, become new and nothing like the old nature. This option will always work.

Supervision of the lay leader’s life and thinking gives opportunity for a spiritual transplant and constant treatment with a fresh application of the blood of Jesus, purifying us and forgiving us as we confess and trust in Him.

Flexibility, change, and growth must be a part of our lives!  It has been said that, “Rigid, super-religious people take to change like fish take to mountain climbing.”  Do we know anyone like that?  Do we see someone like that in the mirror every morning?  Most of us are somewhat inflexible, and the sad truth is, the older we get the more rigid we become.  Our will becomes less bendable like our muscles.  Paul found the secret; he was pioneering into newness right up to his death.

Kingdom strategy number two involves daily renewal.  Daily renewal keeps us flexible, more willing to make positive changes in our mind-set and behavior.

Underlying all the Beatitudes is the Kingdom quality of humility.  David Schroeder said, “If we crave even-greater financial and social status, letting materialistic success, symbols become obsessions to us, we will be of little value to the work of God’s Kingdom and poor representatives of what the Kingdom is all about.  While poverty, hunger, weeping, and rejection may not be part of our life goals, neither should obtaining wealth, feasting lavishly, living as though life is always a party, and seeking popularity.”

A big part of humility is contentment.  Contentment is the ability to rejoice even in adversity.  Kingdom strategy number three:  rejoicing in adversity means that disciples of Jesus willingly accept and live by Biblical principles, values, and morals.  This Biblical view of humility is contrary to the attitude of the world.

Ours is a day of self-promotion, defending our own rights, taking care of ourselves first, winning by intimidation, pushing for first place, and a dozen other self serving agendas.  Selfishness will destroy our joy and contentment.  People who live with a selfish attitude set themselves up for a grim existence.

Today, many people will tell us that we will be taken advantage of if we begin to live a humble, unselfish life.  They will urge us to defend our rights and get even.  I believe that God will honor our decision to demonstrate an attitude of humility.  We will find that feelings of hate will be replaced with a relieving flood of peace and happiness.  As Solomon wrote, “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Proverbs 16:7).

It all begins with our knowing Jesus Christ in a personal way and allowing Him to take the blows of life for us.  What we discover is that God keeps on giving grace when the burdens grow greater.  He gives more strength when the labors increase.  For out of His infinite riches in Jesus, as a song says, “He giveth and giveth and giveth again!”

When we acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord and begin to release our cares, our disappointments, and our heartaches to Him, we not only keep our equilibrium, we also keep our sense of humor.  Joy and contentment multiply when we have Christ to bear our burdens.  It is reassuring to know that joy can endure hardship as long as that Christ like attitude of humility and unselfishness is in place.

A spiritual leader should always bear the character imprint of God in every aspect of thinking, attitude, and behavior.  Every day Jesus modeled before His disciples God’s standards of purity and maturity.  The lay leader should see modeled by the supervising mentor qualities of Christian character such as teachability, flexibility, and humility.

This character trait deals with how we treat people, especially in responding to rejection.  Kingdom strategy number four:  responding to rejection.  In Kingdom living, disciples of Jesus Christ respond to hostility and rejection by treating their enemies as well as they want to be treated themselves.  Dr. R. Lamar Vest made the statement that “the mark of a true spiritual leader is how he/she treats their enemies.”  Jesus blesses obedience, not excuses, in our responsibility to treat people with compassion.  Becoming godly in character and behavior must be our highest priority and lifelong calling.  The words of Jesus and New Testament Scriptures support the idea that Christians are likely to have enemies.  Jesus said, “Love your enemies . . .” (Luke 6:27).  James 4:14 says, “. . . friendship with the world is hatred toward God.”  Jesus said, “Pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:28b).  Paul said that “everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted” (2 Timothy 3:12).

Mentors must help laity in their goal of Christ likeness by teaching them how to respond to mistreatment.

Leaders need to develop and be exposed to the highest levels of integrity and fair-mindedness.  Mature disciples of Christ will frequently engage in healthy self-evaluation and self-examination to assess their own spiritual status.

Integrity relates to how we treat people who disagree with us.  Many people, even Christians, have a tendency to write off anyone who does not think as they think, and then justify this by looking for a spiritual inadequacy in that person.  Ministers must not manifest a critical or unforgiving spirit.  We must not turn a person with an opposing view into an adversary.  Thus, we must temper our judgmentalism and realize how hypocritical it is to find fault with others while remaining blind to our own shortcomings.

Integrity relates to how we treat our sin.  There are many ways we sugar-coat our sins.  Christians play not only mind-games, but also spirit-games.  For example, Christians gossip under the guise of sharing a prayer request.  The quality of integrity is essential in all spheres of our lives, and in all our relationships.

Probably, the finger of hypocrisy has been pointed at all of us at one time or another.  It has been said that “the church has only two kinds of people:  hypocrites and forgiven hypocrites.”  A man or woman of integrity strives for a state of internal unity, oneness, and wholeness.  He or she is always striving to be the same person in every situation.  There is no insincerity, duplicity, or hypocrisy in a person of integrity.  A man/woman of integrity offers no surprises; he/she is thoroughly predictable, once we know his/her core of values and convictions.

Integrity relates to how we judge others.  Leaders, of all people, must remember that judging others is sin (Luke 6:37).  Few commands of Jesus are stated so simply and so clearly.  The positive role we play in a person’s life by not being judgmental is a very powerful motivator.  Instead of looking for the bad in a person, we choose to expect the best.  Our attitude toward others and our treatment of others has power to transform.  We bring out the best in people by encouraging them and praising them for every positive improvement.

Integrity relates to how we work with others.  Here are some suggestions for the lay leader and the mentoring pastor in their working relationships and in their ministry.

• Look for the best in others.
• Be persuaded that everyone can do better.
• Demonstrate confidence in our leaders, staff, and congregation.
• Maintain dialogue, open communication, and feedback.
• Set high, yet achievable standards.
• Outlaw “put-downs” even if meant in jest.
• Control and correct prejudices which warp our perception of potential:  culture, appearance, male/female, age, etc.

The principles of integrity demand of Christians that we work at building up one another rather than tearing them down by judgmentalism.  Kingdom strategy number five:  self-examination.  Instead of focusing on the failures and inadequacies of others, we should engage in meaningful self-examination and spiritual assessment.  We must refrain from destructive criticism through the modeling of character, integrity, and self-examination.

There is no discipleship or mentoring without Strategy #1: teachability.  But this teachability is more than a person’s willingness to enroll in a self-improvement course.  Rather, it is a constant readiness to learn in every situation of life.  Real teachability involves a willingness to obey God even if our logic would call something absurd.

Strategy #2 in modeling discipleship requires us to be flexible people who allow God’s will to shape us rather than us trying to impose our will on God.

Strategy #3 calls for us to model the ability to rejoice in adversity and to humbly follow a standard of life which may often be contrary to human inclinations.

Strategy #4 challenges our courage and inner strength as Christ calls us to respond to hostility and rejection by treating our enemies as well as we want to be treated.

Strategy #5 is a Christ like virtue which calls for self-examination, evaluation, and assessment.  We are to refrain from destructive criticism which focuses on the failures of others and carefully look deep within ourselves.

Strategy #2 for motivating Christian maturity is priorities.  Discipleship demands singleness of purpose, which is demonstrated by a sense of extreme urgency for advancing God’s kingdom.

People should see in us an intensity to live our life for God.  This is not the same thing as living at a hectic, frantic pace.  The intensity that is so clearly the concern of Jesus has little to do with pace and everything to do with purpose and direction.

The most triumphant words of Jesus were the last words before His death when He said:  “It is finished” (John 19:30).  We also need to live our lives with an unswerving clarity of focus and purpose.  Our top priority in life must be for the advancement of the kingdom of God.

Strategy #3 for motivating Christian maturity is courage.  We must manifest the courage necessary to demonstrate and proclaim the Gospel of Christ.  We demonstrate courage by living the life in the power of the Holy Spirit and we are to proclaim the Gospel of Christ by our every conversation.  In a world of doubt and liberalism, God has called the church to step forward in courage and faith and to declare His power with signs, wonders, and miracles following the believer.

Strategy #4 for motivating Christian maturity involves dependency on God through tenacious prayer.  Disciples of Christ place their full confidence in the goodness and power of God, continually depending upon Him for provisions, forgiveness, guidance, and spiritual strength.  Jesus modeled a life of prayer and trust and taught His disciples the importance of a life of persistent prayer.

Strategy #5 for motivating Christian maturity requires that we, by faith, live open, transparent lives before others and strive to always be honest and do what is right.

Self-serving deception is rooted deeply in all of us.  Even among Christians, we see people pretending to be something they are not.  Also, we see a tendency to be judgmental and phony.  People who are judgmental have difficulty facing the truth about themselves.

The mentor and the church ought to always be sources of truth, honesty, vulnerability, transparency, and reverence.  If we are to model Christ and motivate others, we must always strive to be trustful and self-revealing.

Strategy #6 for motivating Christian maturity is contentment.  The mentor/leader needs to model a life that is free of the worries and anxieties of the world.  The hallmark of our existence should be active and courageous lives in which we demonstrate a dramatic trust in God.  Great contentment comes to us as we learn to relax and refresh our minds, bodies, and emotions through prayer and worship.

Christian men and women need to be motivated to live carefree, content lives set free from the materialistic concerns of the world.  Money should not be used as an instrument of power.  We must always be people who love and know how to forgive those who hurt or use us unfairly.

Great leaders/motivators have developed special gifts of creativity and confidence.  Creativity is the ability to say things in an unusual way; confidence is the ability to do things in a remarkable way.  Charismatic motivators can do both.  People like being around winners and people want to play on the winning team.  Motivators have the ability to produce.  They use their strengths to help other people feel good about themselves.  They are other-centered, whereas the person who is self-centered uses his/her strength to dominate others.

Leadership is influence.  We can earn the trust and respect necessary to have credibility and influence as a leader.  Leaders must learn how to strengthen and enhance aspects of their own personality which draws people to them.  The leader must continually build on these personality traits.  With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can be a positive influence on others and see great things happen.

Leadership requires sensitivity to changing situations and to people’s moods, feelings, and attitudes.  People look for sensitive leaders who can/will champion their cause.  A leader is one who can find the need and take the necessary corrective action.  A leader therefore must be sensitive but not overly sensitive to the point that his/her feelings are always hurt resulting in withdrawal and inactivity.  Motivators will risk getting out of their comfort zone in order to make others feel comfortable.

The secret of motivating others is providing them with hope and with a positive expectancy.  People need leaders who will build their faith and optimism about the future.  Leaders are needed who are in touch with God and have a true word of encouragement from the Lord.  Leaders, such as Isaiah, who when speaking of God, said, “I will do something new” (Isaiah 43:19).  There are examples throughout the Bible of how dynamic leaders/motivators constantly waved hope before their people. Do we convey hope or despair to those around us?

A Christian motivator must develop problem-solving techniques and affirmation skills to verbally encourage and guide people through the challenging situations of life.

A mentoring pastor needs to be a person whom people want to follow; a person who can draw out the best in people.  A leader must work at developing these skills and techniques.

Every church leader knows that one of his/her most perplexing challenges is to motivate the people he/she serves.  Apathy and nonparticipation by Christians are the curse of the church today.  So many church members are uninvolved and unmotivated.  The mentoring pastor has the opportunity to demonstrate on a regular basis his/her skills at motivating Christian maturity without manipulation.

Lay leaders are ordinary people with extraordinary motivation to obey the call of God on their lives.  The job of mentors is to energize ordinary men and women who are greatly motivated to continue to grow and discover what God wants to accomplish in their ministry in the future

The Old Testament prophet Nehemiah was a great motivator of others.  He took a dispirited and discouraged group of people who had just been released from foreign exile, and he molded and motivated them into a disciplined, cohesive force for rebuilding Jerusalem.  How did he do it?

• Nehemiah was Bold in His Actions

Nehemiah wasn’t afraid to take risks.  He didn’t hesitate to attack difficult tasks.  He boldly dared to dream great dreams and to make those dreams come true.  Alan Kay of Apple Computers once said, “The best way to predict the future is to make it happen.”

William James said, “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.”  Changing the way we think is never easy, but if we diligently devote ourselves to mastering the characteristics of a bold, optimistic leader, we reap enormous benefits.

• Nehemiah was a Thinker and a Planner

Nehemiah understood that boldness without careful planning is just recklessness.  Nehemiah grasped the principle stated by Howard Hendricks:  “I am convinced that any leader who does not spend at least 15% of his time in thinking is systematically setting himself up for failure.”

A mentor who motivates others is a mentor who thinks and plans.  This kind of person, a bold thinker and planner, is seldom surprised by trouble.  A bold planner demonstrates a mixture of realism and determination.

A mentor will not be surprised by trouble when the following strategies are followed.

1) Think of Ourselves as a Problem Solvers

We need to keep clear in our mind that all leaders experience setbacks and obstacles.  Everyone who dreams big will face occasional setbacks and obstacles.  With God’s help, all ministers can be problem solvers, troubleshooters, and people who excel in stressful situations.  Research conducted by Bennis and Nanus in their book Leaders suggests that a characteristic of the world’s foremost managers is that “they simply don’t think about failure.  They don’t even use the word.  They rely on synonyms such as mistake, false start, mess, setback, and error, but never failure.”

2) Look for Multiple Options

A planner/thinker will have an arsenal of alternatives.  When one approach fails, they simply move on to another option.  The mentoring pastor should model adaptability.  With God, there is always a solution.  We must plan to never give up when facing a problem, but trust God to help us find an alternate solution.

3) Anticipate Problems

We can plan ahead to avoid bad situations.  Wisdom and experience will teach a minister how to predict/anticipate problems from certain situations and certain types of people.  We should seldom be surprised by problems because we have learned to anticipate and predict.

If a leader does not learn how to anticipate problems and have a predetermined position and commitment, he or she may be taken off guard and become trapped.

4) Look for Good in Bad Situations

A leader must learn to never cave in to disaster but to turn an adversity into an opportunity.  In December 1941, the laboratories of Thomas Edison in West Orange, New Jersey, were almost entirely destroyed by fire.  In one night Edison lost two million dollars worth of equipment and the records of much of his life’s work.  The next morning, Edison walked about the charred embers of so many of his hopes and dreams.  This 67 year old Edison said, “There is great value in disaster.  All our mistakes are burned up.  Thank God we can start anew.”

Throughout our life, we need to look for every possible opportunity to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

5) Avoid Phony Pep Talks

Successful people do not talk about how wonderful things are when, in fact, they are bad.  It is not wise to ignore small problems, because when ignored, they have a way of turning into bigger problems, and soon we have a crisis on our hands.  It is wrong for ministers to make grandiose claims and overstatements in an attempt to motivate or pep up people.  We need to learn how confusing and condescending it can be to tell people that if they simply lift their chins and have the right attitude, life can be fine.  We need to have a realistic message of faith and confidence, which reminds us that in hard times we must pray, have faith, and roll up our sleeves and do something positive.

• Nehemiah Articulated and Shared His Vision

“You see the distress that we are in,” Nehemiah told the people, “how Jerusalem lies in waste, and its gates are burned with fire.  Come and let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer be a reproach.”  He articulated the need and his vision and he invited the people to share in the vision.

It is not enough for us as ministers to have a vision with specific goals and desires.  We must strive to capture God’s vision for our life and ministry.  By being in the Lay Leadership Development program, I prayerfully assume that your objective in life and in ministry is neither financial profit nor the attraction and adulation of large numbers of people.  The assumption is that your goal is the alignment of your heart, mind, and actions with God’s desires and intentions for ministry.

Vision is not an option.  It is the necessary insight that instructs the leader and directs his or her path.  The apostle Paul is one of the real role models for ministers/leaders.  It is easy to see that Paul was driven to fulfill the vision for ministry that God had entrusted to him.  David, the second King of Israel, is another example of a man who had grasped God’s vision for his life.  David reflected the humility, obedience, compassion, and dedication to God that marks a true visionary leader.

Such a man was Nehemiah.  He was willing to risk death, to abdicate his comfortable life in the king’s court, to do the very work that “my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem” (Nehemiah 2:12).

Vision is a picture held in our mind’s eye of the way things could or should be in the days ahead.  One of the goals of the modeling/mentoring process between lay leaders and mentoring pastors is the development of a personal and internalized vision.  We hope that every pastor is a visionary leader who will motivate laity to come to a clear mental vision of what God wants accomplished through their lives.

The work of the church is so important to God that He does not rely upon humans to concoct a plan and a view for the future.  God conveys His view of the future to a leader.  Visionary leaders receive their vision for ministry from God.

Leadership is critical within the church.  God has gifted certain individuals to serve as leaders.  A leader knows what to do with vision and how to marshal the resources necessary to bring life to the vision.  Vision is not dreaming the impossible dream, but dreaming the most possible dream.  Vision stretches our abilities and demands a depth of understanding.  Vision is not a wild-eyed scheme born in a vacuum.  It reflects a realistic perspective and is deeply rooted in reality.

A church will not grow or impact lives without a God anointed visionary pastor who knows how to motivate people.  He or she must not only have the ability to motivate but the desire and personality to make disciples of converts.

The world we are living in today is changing.  Corporation cultures as we have    known them are disappearing.  Bosses at work are becoming group facilitators and team leaders.  Employees are becoming participating partners who share the same values.  This does not mean that the local church is to be lead by a problem solving team of members who collectively come to a consensus of what God’s vision is for their church.  George Barna in his book, The Power of Vision, said that it is a myth that vision will be the result of the key leaders of the church coming to a consensus regarding what God wants to accomplish and how it can be done.

Ministers must lead God’s people.  Lay leaders must learn through the mentoring process their role as leaders and motivators.  Barna said that “vision is not the result of consensus, it should result in consensus.”  It is important in a church that people own the vision for ministry, not that they create it.  The creative function of church members relates to ministry plans, strategies, and tactics.  This comes as people are motivated and responsive to the vision.  Knowing the mind of God for a church’s ministry is not a committee process.

In this program, you will be encouraged to learn the importance of motivation, modeling, managing, and mentoring.  If you will not pay the price, experience self-control, and humble yourself before God, then you will not be a visionary leader.

Strategy #2 for managing Christian lifestyle in the mentoring process is accountability.  Leaders/disciples must become accountable to each other for the purpose of stimulating each other’s spiritual advancement.  This even involves courageously and compassionately confronting each other concerning sin, weakness, and error.

A lack of accountability caused the scandals involving Christian celebrities in the 1980s.  There are many rationalizations people use for being above the need for accountability.  However, this rampant individualism is unbiblical.  The mentoring process requires that we be accountable to one another.

Having a spiritual mentor is a key to effective accountability.  Being under the watchful, concerned care of a discipler is a rewarding and affirming experience.  This will build our confidence in our ability to achieve and to live a disciplined life.

Strategy #3 for managing Christian lifestyle involves achieving greatness through servanthood.  Some people dream of fame and achieving greatness, as did Christ’s disciples.  Jesus gave the twelve a lecture on kingdom leadership by repeating that greatness is directly related to service, not status; to responsibility, not privilege:  “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

Following are several points about leadership and spiritual mentoring we need to remember.

• Self-seeking blinds us to the sacred.
• Serving others is not to be viewed as a stepping-stone to greater power and position.
• True servanthood is an act of love, totally devoid of selfish striving toward personal goals.
• Leadership in the kingdom is fundamentally different than leadership in the world.
• Spiritual leadership is granted for the purpose of serving, not for personal benefit.

In the kingdom of God, neither programs nor profits are more important than people.  How we treat people is what really matters in life and ministry.

Managing our life will require many mid-course corrections.  Ministers must always work at being the same person in the home and office as we are in the pulpit.  As a lay leader working closely with your mentor, you will see how difficult it is to have enough time to accomplish all of the important tasks of each week.  You will see your mentor under pressure to be all things to all people.  You will see him/her being criticized for not doing enough or for not being accessible enough to the congregation.  Think of all the demands on a pastor’s time.  Think of all the hospital visits, visits to homes, time necessary for study and sermon preparation, staff meetings, appointments, counseling sessions, letter writing, bulletins, financial reports, state and district responsibilities, community activities, and being a spouse and parent that weigh on the pastor.  On top of all of that, this pastor is expected to follow a mentoring life-style.  The mentoring philosophy calls for us to invest our lives in a few people at a time.  Every mentor will get criticized by people who will not understand why he/she spends so much time with just a few individuals.

The third stage in the mentoring process requires a high level of cooperation and dedication between both the lay leader and the mentoring pastor.  Managing our emotions, attitudes, and lifestyles is a vital part of the process and is the responsibility of everyone involved.

The difference between success and failure, between achievement and collapse, between having an impact on others for Christ and having no influence at all comes down to just one word:  perseverance.  Our goal as disciples and as mentors is to learn to endure criticism, to overcome past hurts, to break bad habits, and to keep moving forward.  In so doing, we will model perseverance before those who are watching our example.

John Calvin wrote, “Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts:  the knowledge of God and of ourselves.”  Along this theme, in his book The Rest of Your Life, Patrick M. Morley said, “The secret of spiritual objectivity, growth, and wisdom is to seek the God who is and to carefully examine our own lives.”

Let us consider the following seven steps that lead to a wise life.

1) Study God’s Character

We must study and seek to understand the character and attributes of God, so that we may know Him.  Our initial impressions of God were shaped by our culture and environment.  The very word “Father” is extremely loaded, the meaning so intertwined with our own human fathers.  This may mean that during this program we must unload concepts from our culture and fill our minds with the correct doctrine of God.

2) Lead an Examined Life

In this mentoring process, some lay leaders will find that they need to make some radical changes.  For them what looked like a grove turns out to be a rut.  It has been said that a rut is simply a grove with both ends knocked out.  Sometimes a rut is hard to get out of.  If you are tired, weary, frustrated, or disappointed, you need to examine your life and get out of that rut.

I pray that you will be challenged to examine your life and not be deceived.  This is important because of the following:

The heart is such a willing party to self-deceit.  “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jeremiah 17:9).

The old man is a devious deceiver.  “Your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires” (Ephesians 4:22).

People purposefully manipulate each other.  “Wicked deceivers surround me” (Psalm 49:5).  “Let no one deceive you with empty words” (Ephesians 5:6).

Satan himself is the master deceiver.  “The serpent deceived me, and I ate” (Genesis 3:13).  The antidote to deception is to lead an examined life, regularly reviewing our ways.

3) Maintain Private Devotions

Richard Dobbins, founder of Emerge Ministries says, “I have never seen one minister guilty of sexual sin who kept a daily personal devotion time.”  In other words, in the days, weeks, and months leading up to their moral failure, their public ministry continued but their private watch before Christ stopped.  Perhaps the difficulties arise when we confuse our walk with God and our work for God.

It is very deliberate that we require lay leaders to maintain a time of personal devotions and prayer.  Many ministers were never required to develop this discipline.  Neither did they grow up in a family with daily devotions.  The result is that many pastors only read the Bible for sermon preparation and only pray publicly and at meals.  No wonder ministers’ lives are unmanageable or even out of control.  The Bible reminds us to mediate in the Word of God daily (Psalm 1:3).  And the Bible says, “Pray in the Spirit…” “Pray without ceasing.”  Daily private or family devotions are a requirement in Lay Leadership Development.

4) Think Differently

God wants us to learn to think differently.  To do this, we add some things to our lives and subtract some things.  God is at work in our lives.  He is working out the details of our character.  Our responsibility is to strive to have the mind of Christ, to think differently.

If we are to think differently or to improve our attitude, to build our self-esteem, to stretch our potential, to know our heart, to sharpen our perspective and our intellect, then we must know ourself.

We have already talked about the importance of leading a life of self-examination.  Self-examination is not complete unless this step is followed, which calls for a significant change in our thinking, our attitudes, our values, our assumptions, and then our experiences.

The most revealing questions we can ask ourself is concerning the identity of those matters about which we are passionate.  Knowing our “passion points” reveals how we think and allows us to target areas for change.

Paul addresses this important transformation of thinking in Romans 12:2 where he says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind ….”

Other translations on this last phrase read as follows:

• “But be ye transfigured in the renewing of your mind.” Alf.
• “But by your new attitude of mind be transformed.” Gspd.
• “But by the new ideals that mold your minds continue to transform yourself.”  Wms.
• “But let God remold your minds from within.” Phi.
• “But be transformed by the complete change that has come over your minds.” Tcnt.

Let the prayer for spiritual renewal in Psalm 51:10 be our prayer:  “Create in me a clean heart O God; and renew a right spirit within me.”

Lay leaders and pastors, of all people, need a positive mind-set.  “These minds of ours are like bank vaults awaiting our deposits.  If we regularly deposit positive, encouraging, and uplifting thoughts, what we withdraw will be the same.  And the interest paid will be joy.” (Chuck Swindoll, Laugh Again).  The secret lies in our mind-set — in the things we fix our minds on.  As Paul wrote to the Philippians:

“And now, brothers . . . let me say this one more thing:  Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right.  Think about things that are pure and lovely, and dwell on the fine, good things in others.  Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about” (Philippians 4:8 TLB).

5) Act Unselfishly

Only once Jesus described Himself in Scripture.  It is recorded in Matthew 11:28-30, read it.

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my load is light.”

Did you catch the key words:  “I am gentle and humble in heart,” which might be best summed up in the one word unselfish?  This is the most Christ-like attitude we can demonstrate.  It involves being more interested in serving the needs of others than in having one’s own needs met.

An unselfish person is generous, thoughtful, and gentle.  They have an unpretentious spirit and they are a servant-hearted leader.  When a Christian is unselfish, others mean more than self.  Pride is given no place to operate.  As Isaac Watts wrote early in the 18^th century:

“When I survey the wondrous cross on which the Prince of glory died, my richest gain I count but loss, and pour contempt on all my pride.”

People today are so selfish and are not told to be otherwise.  In our selfish, grab-all-you-can-get society, the concept of cultivating an unselfish, servant-hearted attitude is almost a joke to the majority.  I hope and pray that you will genuinely desire to be humble and unselfish.

Paul wrote to his friends in Philippi a plea for unselfishness:

“Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others” (Philippians 2:3, 4).

There are three practical ways we can cultivate an unselfish attitude.  First, never let selfishness or conceit be our motive.  “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit.”

Second, always regard others as more important than ourself.  This is not a natural trait but can become a habit.

Third, don’t limit our attention to our own personal interests–include others.

Probably the only Christian who will faithfully live an unselfish life is one with a good self-esteem, inner peace, positive faith, and a positive attitude.  Paul went on in his letter to the Philippians and said:

“Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5).

Paul said that with this attitude Christ humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8b).  According to Hebrews 12:2, Christ Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of faith, submitted Himself to the point of death (unselfish submission) “for the joy set before Him.”  We are that joy — all who are saved by His grace.

Christ endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Then what ultimately happened?

“Therefore also God highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name…” (Philippians 2:9).  A secret to a wise life is to humble ourself before God in unselfishness and He will exalt us.

6) Keep Things in Balance

Leaders (clergy and laity), maybe more than others, look for role models, for examples of success.  We are impressed with the success of pastors of great churches, such as Paul L. Walker, former pastor of Mt. Paran, Atlanta GA.  These kinds of examples of success are fantastic, but they can also be frustrating.  It is hard to imagine pastoring a church of 12,000 members.  To keep things in balance, it is helpful to remember the words of Mark Twain:  “Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”

Admiration for a great person may inspire us, but it cannot enable us.  God enables us by His Spirit.  We have the example of Christ and His power to live our lives.  As we take on the challenges of ministry, we need to keep things in balance.

• Balancing Purpose and Power

“… Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:12, 13).

We (Christians/ministers) are to live out and carry out correctly our faith, and to work out our salvation by doing so we bring purpose to our existence.  The ultimate goal or purpose of our lives is “His good pleasure.”  Our lives are to be lived for God’s greater glory, not our own selfish desires.

We are not alone in our purpose.  God is at work in us!  He gives us strength and empowers our diligence.  As He pours His power into us, we do the things that bring Him pleasure.  His pleasure not ours, His will not ours, and His glory not ours is what makes life meaningful.  This is where we are in danger of conflict, since most of us prefer to have things go our way.  Managing our life and ministry requires keeping our balance.

• Balancing Attitude and Action

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing; that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world…” (Philippians 2:14, 15).

A bad attitude reveals itself from two sides:  something we do alone — grumble — and something we do when we are with others — disputing.  These are real joy stealers and destroy our ability to be mentors or role models.

We need to manage our life and prove ourself to be:

• Blameless – a pure life that is undefiled, unhypocritical, and free of defect
• Innocent – untainted in motive, possessing integrity
• Above reproach – free of obvious guilt, free of blemish, and non-shaming
• Lights – “luminaries,” stars illuminating the darkness around them

With the right attitude we can act on our calling knowing that our labor for God is not in vain.  Our action is not wasted effort when our attitude is right.

Managing to keep our life and ministry in balance is a battle.  Old habits are hard to break.  Self wants control.  However, a life lived under the dominion of self is both unsatisfying and unproductive.

If we are to learn from mentors and from God how to manage and balance our lives, we must change our habits of negative thinking, which leads to grumbling.  We must dethrone self and give the correct Master His rightful place over our lives.

7) Maintain Accountability and Integrity

People succeed or fail in four ways.

• Spiritually
• Morally
• Financially
• Relationally

Do you know anyone who ever set out to fail on purpose?  A reasonable person does not ruin his/her life on purpose.  Yet people — ministers — all around us fail.  Why?  It is because they failed to be accountable and to maintain integrity.

Today, most Christians lead anonymous spiritual lives.  They seem to be able to float in and out of the church without having to be accountable for their lives.  Without accountability, we have no one to whom we must give an answer for our lives.  We have not given anyone permission to ask the hard questions.  Some peoples’ lives and activities become shrouded in ambiguity and independence.