The boundless was bound.
Psalm 139:7, I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence. He was imprisoned in flesh. His limitless reach limited to the stretch of an arm. His speed checked to the pace of human feet. He exchanged his crown of boundlessness for the crown of thorns.

The sinless became sin.
2 Corinthians 5:21, God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
In Scripture, thorns are symbols of the consequences of sin and rebellion. The thorns in Christ’s crown can be traced back to the sin of Adam. (Genesis 3:17-18)
Jesus had never felt the awful consequences of sin. He exchanged the crown of sinlessness for the crown of thorns.

The unrighteous become right. He was crowned with our thorns so that we might me crowned with his goodness. Paul dreamed of this crown.
2 Timothy 4:8, Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing. Jesus no longer wears the thorns!
Hebrews 2:9, We see Jesus…now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.

Everyone has presuppositions, a general set of beliefs, a grid through which we perceive everything that happens — a general belief about what is true.  Our presuppositions form the basis for our values, and these values determine how we behave.

The man or woman of God must not be shaped or controlled by the secular view of the world.  We must not allow ourselves to become or live as bitter, critical people.  Unless we keep faith in God, respect authority, and live holy lives, we will reflect the world-view in our attitude instead of the character of Christ.

In deciding our future and living our life, we must measure our activities, habits, use of time and money, sexuality, ego, etc. against one yardstick:  Is it consistent with a Biblical view of life and does it bring glory to God?

Some of what we see in Christianity today is a deadly form of spiritual schizophrenia.  Live mature spiritual lives and rise above the view of the world or you will never know the true peace of God.

Many Christians suffer from an inferiority complex and are intimidated by the world.  An eternal perspective keeps us strong, positive, confident, and motivated in spite of all obstacles.

What we do for God flows from who we are!  Some people go on chasing goals to prove something that doesn’t have to be proven:  they are already worthwhile.  A sense of purpose gives meaning to our lives.  When we have a purpose in life with an eternal perspective, we enjoy everything more.  A man or woman without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.  This leads us to the second point, that of an empowering purpose.

“Nothing binds us one to the other like a promise kept and nothing divides us like a promise broken” (Leighton Ford).

Are we a promise keeper or a promise breaker?  People are counting on us to be a promise keeper.  God wants to empower us with purpose strong enough to keep us focused and directed.  God wants us to keep our promises.  So does our wife, children, family, friends, and congregation.  Jesus was a promise keeper and He will empower us to keep our promises.  A psychiatrist said that there are four basic needs we have as human beings.  We need love, forgiveness, purpose, and hope.  God has promised to meet all these needs as we trust, obey, and abide in Him.

Jesus sealed His promise with His own blood and God the Father kept His promise on Easter morning with resurrection power.  Everything hangs on the thread of promise.

Deciding our future involves making serious promises to God, our spouse, our children, and the church.  There are certain characteristics of a promise keeper.

• Integrity
  Ethics have almost become a joke to some people.  Either we have integrity or we don’t.  I am afraid some preachers have lost their integrity and don’t even realize it.  They think they can get away with more than God will allow.  They have broken too many promises without repentance. 
• Fidelity
  What makes a marriage more than a contract, more than passion spilling over?  What makes a family?  A marriage and a family are created by a promise. I wonder how many lay leaders and spouses have not divorced just to keep their church positions.  Yet, they have lost fidelity in their minds and fantasies. 
• Loyalty
  In our world of change today, people are here today and gone tomorrow.  Their promised loyalty lacks power and purpose when things go wrong. Sometimes we make promises we shouldn’t.  Sometimes we end up breaking one promise to keep another.  Boy, we surely live off-purpose lives sometimes, don’t we?  We are all promise breakers somewhere along the way, but with some people it becomes a habit, a pattern, a way of avoidance. Deciding my future means deciding what promises I have made to God that I will not break, no matter what.

Exercise:  Take a moment to list the promises you have made to God that you have vowed not to break.

An empowering purpose planted in our soul by the Holy Spirit will keep us fixed and even bring us back when we drift from your calling and purpose.  God must be our point of reference, our focus in a world that is quickly passing.

The most important thing is love.  Love is supreme.  Love is in such limited supply and you will not always reap love where you have sown.  Love is not easy, for people can make life miserable.

To set priorities means to decide in advance what is important to us.  If we are hoping to be a success in the ministry, we must decide how to spend our time based on our priorities, not our pressures.  “Never let your ministry have a higher priority than your family.”

Jesus knew the secret of priority living.  Mark tells us that “in the morning, a great while before day, He rose and went out to a lonely place and there He prayed” (Mark 1:35).  Jesus got marching orders each day through His prayer life.  He kept an eternal perspective, an empowered purpose, and He waited prayerfully for His Father’s instructions as to the essential priority.  That is how He put off the urgent and concentrated on the important.  That’s how He came to a decision about His future.

Make Christ’s method of facing and deciding the future your method.  When you arrive at your decisions through this threefold security system — Perspective, Purpose, and Priority — you will make good decisions and you won’t find yourself blaming overseers, or the system, for your circumstances.

Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:15-17 (NASB): “Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil.  So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

Holiness is nothing else but the beauty and character of God displayed in our everyday lives (Romans 6:22; 2 Corinthians 7:1).  We cannot manufacture holiness.  It must come from within.

Giving to God and in His name is not something we do, it is the result of what we are.  When God is flowing in us, we cannot help but give.  Giving and living are synonymous when we abide in God.

Galatians 5:22 tells us, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control …”  These are qualities produced in us by the Holy Spirit and we cannot create substitutes for them.  Only the life of Christ within can produce this fruit.

(Colossians 1:10).

We are saved by grace… through faith (Ephesians 2:8, 9), but the result of salvation is always service.  “Let your light so shine …” (Matthew 5:16).

Each one of us has our own ministry to fulfill.  We have our own future to commit to God.  No Christian is competing with any other Christian in the will of God.  In the Christian life there is no such division as “secular” and “sacred.”  All we do is a ministry unto the Lord.  The Lord makes it clear that this fruit bearing is to be a continuous experience:  “fruit … more fruit … much fruit” (John 15:1-8).

The secret of living is fruit bearing.  If our future is committed to God, we will bear fruit.  We will get involved in our calling.  Whatever God wants us to do, we will be willing.  If it means being a missionary — even a home missionary in America — we will be fruitful.

We do not obey because we need to, but because we get something out of it!  Many Christians live on the bargain basement level.  Their obedience is measured by what God gives them; and if they do not get what they want, they often turn against God.  We obey God because we know He deserves it and it is the right thing to do no matter how hard it is to do.

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15).  Why is love the highest motive for obedience?

• Love centers on the giver, not the gift.
• Love does not measure sacrifice.  If we love God, we do not measure the cost of obeying His word.  We simply obey.  A love that calculates is not true love.
• There is no fear in love.  “…but perfect love casts out fear…” (1 John 4:18).

What does God require of His people?

“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require from you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and love Him, and to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deuteronomy 10:12).

The more we love God, the more we will obey Him.  The more we obey Him, the more we will abide in Him.  And the more we abide in Him, the more we will bear fruit.

Let us seek to know Him better as we commit our futures to His will.  Successful Christians have learned the secrets of living.  These secrets call for a loving, obedient, and disciplined life of prayer, study, and worship.

Paul advises us in Romans 12:1, 2 that we should:

• give God our bodies.
• give God our minds.
• give God our wills.
• give God our hearts.

When we surrender our heart, mind, and will to God each day, we will be able to abide in His will and draw upon His power.

In order to keep our futures committed to God, we must watch out for enemies.  We must watch out for the little foxes which spoil the vines.  It takes diligence and dedication to bear fruit for God.  Once we become lazy and careless, we cease to bear fruit.

We need to search our hearts and confess our sins to God.  We must totally commit our futures to God’s will and to a life of fruit bearing, abiding, obeying, and loving God with all that is in us.

Counselors face many baffling circumstances and problems in working with people.  Our resources and our skills are challenged along with our faith at times.  We rest assured in the power of God to answer prayer.

Paul’s admonition is a model for every counselor, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God” (Philippians 4:6, NIV).  Keeping the channel open to Heaven is an important part of effective counseling.

Jesus placed a high priority on prayer.  We need to model lives of prayer as spirit-baptized believers who know that the Spirit helps us in our weakness and intercedes for us according to the will of God.

Baptism in the Holy Spirit opens the door to a new level of prayer.  Praying in tongues, energized and enabled by the Spirit allows us to intercede and worship on a new level.

The entire counseling enterprise should be bathed in prayer.

“God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and … He went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with Him” (Acts 10:38).  With the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, we can expect to do great things for God.  His power is available to us.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit, Christian counselors can believe God and see miracles of recovery, change, healing, restoration and growth like the secular world could only dream about.

Christian counselors, by the power of the Holy Spirit, are moving forcefully against the forces of darkness in this world.  We are seeing the hand of God move, lives changed, and many miracles taking place.

The first understanding a minister needs concerning conflict and its management involves recognizing the various ways people deal with conflict, and more specifically how he or she typically deals with and responds to conflict. In other words, ministers must be aware of their own conflict management style.

Conflict management styles are behavioral characteristics describing the ways individuals handle conflict. These styles originate from observation of others and thus represent, to a great extent, learned behavior. The good news is that since these conflict management styles are learned, it is possible through training and education to encourage better and more effective conflict management behavior.

Persons typically pick from among five general styles when handling conflict. While different terms are often used for the five, they generally pertain to the same five conflict styles.

• Avoiding (withdrawing – lose/win) – concerns a passive, nonassertive style
• Competing (forcing – win/lose) – a conflict style manifests itself in terms of aggressive, uncooperative behavior, since the goal is to win at all cost
• Accommodating (smoothing – win/lose by choice) – involves nonassertive but cooperative behavior, making the concern of the other its goal
• Compromising – represents the intermediate position within which there is some gain and some loss, finding an acceptable settlement that only partially satisfies both concerns
• Collaborating (consensus – win/win – synergism). In collaboration, the conflicting individuals try to find a solution that is satisfactory to all parties. Collaboration differs from compromise in that compromisers look for only partial satisfaction while collaborators work on solving the problem until solutions are found that meet each party’s need

The second thing to understand about conflict is that some styles are situationally better than others. In fact, Jay Hall in his popular Conflict Management Survey points out that there is a preferred order to these styles, preferring use of collaboration with the other four styles representing skill sets which one uses within a specific situation. [26] From a scriptural perspective, collaboration is the style of choice. [27] Christians should develop the ability to collaborate and understand it as first choice in most situations. Collaborating represents the theoretically best mode, while avoiding represents the theoretically worst type of conflict management behavior under most circumstances (see Figure 1). There are occasions, however, when styles such as avoidance are absolutely appropriate. Collaboration, therefore, should not be viewed as the “white hat” of conflict management in every situation. The dysfunction occurs when less than appropriate conflict management behavior (i.e., use of a style that does not “fit” the situation) becomes habitual.

Figure 1. Preferred Order of Use for Conflict Management Styles

Across the board, collaborating is the most preferred style for conflict management because of its concern for everyone involved and because it encourages a win-win situation for each side. In fact, a leader’s effectiveness is associated with his or her abilities to convert conflicts of interests (differences) into consensual agreements.

As noted in the previous setion, there is consensus concerning the preferred order of conflict management styles, with collaboration being most preferred and avoidance being least preferred. However, one survey involving 200 church leaders reported disturbing results concerning the order of preference actually used by Christian workers. [28] Compromising was found to be first, followed in order by avoiding, accommodating, collaborating, and competing (see Figure 2). As might be reasoned, such findings are not ideal representations.

Figure 2. Robert Dale’s Research Findings Concerning 200 Church Leaders’ Conflict Management Style According to Actual Use

The results of research specifically examining Church of God  ministers show reason for concern as well (see Figure 3). [29] Church of God ministers typically use the theoretically worst conflict management mode, avoidance, as their predominant conflict management behavior (avoidance behavior, 38.5 percent; collaborative behavior, 4.6 percent).  As noted above, avoidance typically represents a lose/lose style of conflict management.

Figure 3.  Conflict Styles Chosen by Church of God Ministers (October, 2001)

Further assessment of Church of God pastors explored those who have and those who have not left a church due to conflict; there was a difference. Those who have not left a church due to conflict typically use an accommodating mode of conflict management as their initial conflict management behavior, followed by avoidance, compromise, collaborative, and finally, competing conflict behaviors (see Figure 4).

Figure 4.  Actual conflict management behavior of Church of God pastors who HAVE NOT LEFT a church due to conflict.

In contrast, Church of God pastors who have left a church due to conflict typically use avoidance behavior (the theoretical worst style) as their initial response to a conflict situation. Avoidance is then typically followed by accommodating, competing, compromising and finally, collaborating

Figure 5.  Actual conflict management behavior of Church of God pastors who HAVE LEFT a church due to conflict.

In all, 70.8 percent of the ministers surveyed answered NO to the question— “Have you ever left a church due to conflict? If yes, more than once?” However, further investigation into this particular phenomenon brought about another interesting discovery. 29.2 percent answered YES, and of that 29.2 percent (the pastors who left a church due to conflict), a significant number will repeat the incident (42.1 percent).

• 57.9 percent left one church due to conflict
• 31.6 percent left two churches due to conflict, and
• 5.2 percent left four churches because of conflict, while another
• 5.2 percent actually admitted to leaving five churches because of conflict.

These may not appear to be staggering statistics until one begins to generalize these figures to the total Church of God population. Consider the possibility that 29.2 percent (2,044 of the 7,000) of the Churches of God in the United States are presently involved in such intense conflict as to cause a minister to resign. [30]

With this larger picture taken into consideration, one can quickly see that it should not be acceptable to allow every three out of ten Church of God ministers (4,404) and churches (2,044) to be involved in conflict so intense that it forces a minister to move and a congregation to experience the turmoil of a pastoral transition. Furthermore, these statistics report that of those who change churches due to conflict, 42.1 percent (861 ministers) will move again for the same reason (i.e., conflict).

Such possibilities point back to a previous concern: what about the pastors who never make the transition to another pastorate? As already noted— a large number, referred to as “silent deaths” (MIAs – missing in action), leave the ministry every year due to unmanaged or mismanaged conflict. As one colleague so aptly observes, “Maybe this represents the ultimate avoidance, leave the church, and then leave the ministry.” [31] Such conflict has direct bearing on the spiritual and psychological well-being of the minister, his family, the congregation, and the denomination (i.e., collateral damage).

At issue is the hard fact that all too often conflicting scenarios are public and ugly. Obviously, this witness does not accomplish the intended Biblical objective of being an attractive witness to the world (e.g., Matthew 5:14). In fact, as we have seen, the type of behavior needed for effective conflict management does not simply occur. The ability to appropriately manage conflict necessitates awareness, education, and training. Obviously, behavior resulting in the possibility that 30percentof the Churches of God in the United States struggle with intense conflict, seems to mandate attention.

Once again, appropriate conflict management in the church fundamentally begins:

• By understanding the importance, enormity, and pain of the “conflict in the church” issue
• By being aware of the various ways one can handle conflict and by reflecting on what may be one’s most often used conflict management style [32]
• By understanding that while dysfunctional conflict management is disinvesting is the future, becoming skilled at dealing with conflict is investing in the future health of the church.

Therefore, even though conflict in the church may go with the territory, so should the development of the skills needed to help ourselves and others. Here, too, Scripture speaks: “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed” (2 Timothy 2:15, NIV).

[1] Faith Community Today (FACT) Survey. (2003). The largest survey of congregations ever conducted in the United States.  It is the most inclusive, officially sanctioned program of interfaith cooperation. Conducted by the Hartford Institute for Religious Research, Hartford Seminary, Hartford, CT. October 6,

[2] Haugk, K. C. (1998). Antagonists in the church: How to identify and deal with destructive conflict. Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Publishing House.

[3] Leas, S. (1982). Leadership and conflict. Nashville, TN: Abington.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Rahim, M. A. (Ed.), (1990). Theory and research in conflict management. New York: Praeger. 1.

[6] Thomas, K. W., & Schmidt, W. H. (1976). A survey of managerial interests with respect to conflict. Academy of Management Journal, 19, 315-318.

[7] Garmon, F. (2001). A four month survey (January to April) conducted with Raymond Hodge, state administrative director for the Church of God in Tennessee.

[8] Thomas, J. C. (1993). Unity and diversity: Is conflict inevitable? In Leadership and conflict: In-service training for state overseers. January 11-14, Cleveland, TN: Church of God Theological Seminary.

[9] Conn, Paul (Online Source). Church of God School of Ministry Text. Lesson 10: Conflict Resolution. Part 1. http://www.ministerialtraining.org/viewdemo.asp

[10] Schuller, D. S., Brekke, M. L., & Strommen, M. P. (1975). Readiness for Ministry: Volume I – criteria. Vandalia, OH: The Association of Theological Schools in the United States and Canada.

[11] Lowe, Conrad (2001). Personal Correspondence, Charting the Course Leadership Conference, Wednesday, February 7. Conrad Lowe is a church consultant working for John Maxwell’s INJOY group out of Atlanta, Georgia. The consulting group was working under a leadership development contract for the Church of God denomination and had just finished its first year with the church.

[12] Norval, John, Sociologist with Notre Dame University. See Andre Bustanoby, Why Pastors Drop Out, Christianity Today, January 7, 1977.

[13] Umidi, Joseph. (2000). Confirming the pastoral call: A guide to matching candidates and congregations. Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications. Professor of Practical Teleology, Regent University, Virginia Beach, VA

[14] McCorkle, S., & Mills, J. L. (1992). Rowboat in a hurricane: Metaphors of interpersonal conflict management. Communication Reports. 5, no. 2, Summer: 58-59.

[15] Compare G. Lloyd Rediger’s (1997) estimate arguing that a pastor is “fired” (forced out) every six minutes in the United States. Clergy killers: Guidance for pastors and congregations under attack. Westminster John Knox Press. Louisville, Kentucky. 6.

[16] Larson, S. (2002). Raising a PK: Will they stay of stray? Loveland, CO: Rev. Magazine. July/August, 5, no. 6: 70–74.

[17] Ibid. p. 72.

[18] Ibid. p. 72.

[19] Ibid. p. 72.

[20] LaRue, Jr., J. C. (2000). Profile of today’s pastor: How prepared were you for ministry? Online  source: October, LeadershipJournal.net. http://www.christianitytoday.com/leaders/newsletter/clm0125.html

[21] Gangel, K. O. & Canine, S. L. (1992). Communication and conflict management: In churches and Christian organizations. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers. v – vi.

[22] LaRue, Jr., J. C. (2000). Profile of today’s pastor: How prepared were you for ministry? Online source: October, LeadershipJournal.net. http://www.christianitytoday.com/leaders/newsletter/clm0125.html

[23] Amason, A. C. & Schweiger, D. M. (1997). The effects of conflict on strategic decision making effectiveness and organizational performance. In C. K. W. de      Dreu & E. Van de Vliert (Eds.), Using conflicts in organizations (pp. 101 – 115). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

[24] Goleman, D., Boyatzis, R. & McKee, A. (2002). Primal Leadership. Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press. 18.

[25] Shawchuck, N. & Heuser, R. (1996). How to manage conflict in the church: Dysfunctional congregations. Spiritual Growth Resources Publishers. 249.

[26] Hall, J. (1994). Conflict management survey. Woodlands, TX: Telemetrics International, Inc.

[27] Thomas, M. (1988). A Study of Conflict in the Bible. Onida, SD: Church Conciliation and Vitalization Ministries.

[28] Dale, R. D. (1984). Ministers as Leaders. Nashville, TN: Broadman Press.

[29] Garmon, F. (2002). Conflict Management among Church of God Ministers (Cleveland, Tennessee): A descriptive and exploratory report investigating possible related variables. Doctoral Dissertation, Regent University, Virginia Beach, Virginia. University Microfilms International Dissertation Services, No. 3082045

[30] Redman, L. (2002). Statistics gathered from Church of God International Offices, Central Files, Personal Correspondence, June 20, 2002.Of the 15,081 Reporting Ministers in the USA, only 7,000 are pastoring.

[31] Story, L. (2002). Personal Correspondence. September 4. Lyle Story is Professor of Biblical Languages and New Testament at Regent University, Virginia Beach, Virginia.

[32] The Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument represents the most popular conflict assessment tool on the market. Thomas, K. W., & Kilmann, R. H. (1974). Thomas-Kilmann conflict mode instrument. Palo Alto, CA: Xicom Inc., & Consulting Psychologists Press, Inc.

Image and perception are very important.  Character is more important than image for character defines who we really are.  Reputation, to a lesser degree, is important but it is what people think we are like.  The approval and anointing of God must be seen in us if we are to have leadership influence and image.  The leader must work to be seen as a person in touch with God; someone who understands the will of God and who has a vision from God.  As has already been stated, image is important.  We should be seen as a leader, model, motivator, and servant who is charged with leadership responsibility in the work of God.

One of the factors that keeps a small church small is a pastor who tries to do it all instead of leading and equipping others for the harvest.  As a lay leader, do everything you can to make it easy for your pastor to trust you and delegate to you ministry responsibilities.

Trust

People in a congregation want leaders who are honest, truthful, and straight-forward.  They want leaders who really have their interest at heart; leaders they can trust.

Sincerity

No leader can create a feeling of mutual trust with people in a short time.  It takes time and effort.  Some people quickly move to feelings of doubt or suspicion following any leadership or pastoral change.  When this happens, their confidence must be won and their hope built up in order to feel positive about the change and new leadership.

Sincerity is essential in earning people’s trust and respect.  People will watch a new leader closely to see if he/she is out for his/her own good and not for what is best for others.

Integrity

Moral wholeness or integrity means keeping one’s promises, being honest in personal and business transactions.  Personal integrity in a leader is an indispensable quality, yet it comes with great pain and effort.  Leaders can all too quickly dull the cutting edge of harvest and take on a mask hiding the truth.  A failure in our integrity occurs when what is being displayed externally does not match the actual condition of one’s heart.  This is how hypocrisy develops.  With a continued corruption of the heart, the external actions will eventually be corrupted as well.

Personal integrity and godly effectiveness in life and ministry require congruency between personal devotion and six (6) areas of public conduct.  Development of these six areas helps to strengthen one’s skill in the construction/formation of personal integrity.

• The first area or component is godly character.  Godly character is made possible through repentance, worship, conscience, and godly fear.
• The second component in forming the necessary congruence of integrity is emotion.  Our desires must be turned toward godly priorities.  Our affections reflect our priorities.  Our cares reflect how we are responding emotionally to the many external pressures of life which compete for high priority status.  Our emotions will either steer us forward in godly character or drive us toward impulsive hypocrisy.
• The third component of integrity formation is thinking.  By thinking, we either focus on the pursuit of external priorities which distort our emotions and lead to erroneous perceptions or we focus on internal desires to live out a life pleasing to God.  Our thinking involves concentration, will-power, and perception.
• The fourth component of integrity formation is behavior.  Our behavior is the result of learning and following patterns of godly character or the result of actions controlled by external forces, distorted thinking, selfish passions, and dysfunctional habits.  Our habits reveal our level of integrity.
• The fifth component of integrity development is relationships.  The condition of our heart is not a reflection of our private world.  Rather, it is a reflection of our relationships on a personal level.  The two areas which make up relationships are love and faithfulness.  Love is a barometer of relationships, faithfulness is the longevity and strength of those relationships.  Integrity and maturity are the result of how we function in relationship to God and to people.
• The final component of integrity formation is surroundings.  Integrity and maturity are formed in relationship to God and others and they are also impacted by circumstances and life events.  How we perceive life events and circumstances determines their impact.

Philippians 4:8-11 is an example of these various areas of integrity in the Christian life.  Success or failure in one’s ministry depends upon the level of one’s personal integrity (in role and relationships).  Spiritual/emotional maturity and integrity do not develop overnight.  It takes time to develop skill in the congruence of personal godly integrity and maturity.  Likewise, the disintegration of one’s integrity is usually a process over the course of time.  Inner corrosion and its lasting effects only become apparent after the erosion has been operating for some time.  When the external consequences are apparent or obvious, the inner effects have become well entrenched producing habits.  For example, prolonged stress coming from a lack of congruence between lifestyle and personal beliefs destroys our effectiveness in ministry.

For a leader, maintenance of one’s own integrity is the highest responsibility of his/her life.  The world looks to ministers (clergy and lay) as examples of moral integrity.  When we compromise our moral integrity, we forfeit our greatest perceived contribution to the church and society.

Accepting people are happy people.  They are proactive not reactive.  Thus, they are free to act rather than react.  They tend to be mature and filled with the joy of the Lord.  We must accept ourselves before we can accept others.  In doing so, we must accept the truth that we all have flaws and we all make mistakes.  Actually, imperfection is the one thing we all have in common.

Acceptance promotes feelings of security and well being.  In order to be effective, we must also accept our circumstances.  Difficulties can be the tools of God, so let us respond in faith to all circumstances.

Interpersonal communication is essential for interpersonal relations.  These provide the context for social maturity and spiritual growth.  Communication does not occur in isolation, and it does not have to be verbal.  Communication is meaning exchange, not word exchange.  As someone once remarked, “I’m sure you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard was not what I really meant.”

Many believe that changes in the fast-moving world of communication have left the church behind.  Could it be that congregational fights, church splits, and the generally short tenure of ministerial staffs stem from something as basic as communication deficiencies?  Not only could it be, it probably is in many of those unfortunate cases.

Churches are held together by communication, not structure.  In the administrative process, communication is not merely one of the functions; it permeates all functions and links them together.  It is communicate effectively or suffer the consequences!  Organizing, planning, staffing, delegating, coordinating, and motivating are essential tasks.  Can any of these tasks be carried out without effective communication?

Effective pastoral/leadership communication needs clear and communicable goals, adequate resources, motivated people, and skill.  There are several important guidelines to follow.

• Communicate objectives repeatedly and clearly.
• Protect the emotional tone of communication.
• Identify clear channels for communication.
• Recognize different levels of communication.
• Teach people to communicate.
• Evaluate yourself as a communicator.
• Get feedback on your communication.
• Remember solicited feedback will be better than that which is unsolicited.
• Feedback needs to be checked and rechecked to ensure its validity.
• Seek to clarify your ideas before communicating.
• Examine the true purpose of each communication.
• Consult with others, where appropriate, in planning communication.
• Follow up your communication.
• Communicate for tomorrow as well as today.
• Seek first to understand and then to be understood.

Good communication is essential for a pastor or a lay minister to be effective in his/her role and relationships.  Learning to listen and improving your skills as a listener and communicator is vital.  One important role of all leaders is conflict management.  This is a hot topic today and needs to be studied and understood by all ministers.  In each conflict or stressful problem situation or relationship, we possess the potential for constructive or destructive management.  We must be careful at all times to build relationships with others and overcome conflicts without sacrificing clear, Biblical convictions.

• a concern for the growth and development of others
• an appreciation of the strengths in others
• a belief in other’s potential for improvement
• optimism regarding what people can accomplish
• a nurturing approach to relationships
• a willingness to develop others
• the ability to inspire and motivate others
• a potential to be taken advantage of by people who are highly competitive or power crazy
• a potential not to be aggressive enough with some people or in making some decisions – due to a desire to be cautious or sensitive

These people are often sought out to form relationships

• have difficulty encouraging others
• may be uncomfortable relating to others
• can become detached and isolated
• are preoccupied with personal problems
• do not show concern for others
• could be too skeptical of others
• could reflect in some people a negative, hostile, or suspicious attitude
• could be a person with whom it is hard to relate
• have potential for defensiveness and habit of blaming others for their own mistakes
• could by cynical, critical, and resentful of other people

Characteristics:

In this style you often see a negative, hostile, and suspicious attitude. These people can be very hard to relate to because they do not trust easily, they oppose indirectly, they are hard to impress and they resist new ideas. When in distress they become defensive, do not accept criticism, and may blame others for their mistakes. They are often cynical and resentful of other people and are very argumentative.

They focus of what is wrong instead of what is right. This intimidates and frustrates other people and hinders the building of relationships, the opportunity to achieve goals, and acquiring a deep sense of fulfillment or satisfaction.

• Dr. Has Been
  “The Center of Attention”

  Mr. Show Hoffer
  “Self-Promoter”

  Mr. Bragg Art
  “Deceptive Ego”

  Mr. Loud Mouth
  “Antiquated Resister”

• The internal motivation of your heart is your character. Do you lead to serve or to be served?

  Proverbs 16:23 – “The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips.”

  a) What is Your Leadership Ego?

  Freud said = “Ego is self-awareness”

  For Self-serving leaders EGO = Edging God Out

  For Servant leaders EGO = Exalting God Only

  The temptations of pride and fear make it easy to Edge God Out.  We promote ourselves by being boastful, taking too much credit, showing off, doing all the talking, and demanding attention.

  When we are fearful we are protective of ourselves.  We hide behind our positions, manipulate, intimidate, over control, and discourage honest feedback.

  Proverbs 29:25 – “The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.”

  b) How Do We Edge God Out?

  We put something else in His place as the object of our worship

  • Power
  • Recognition
  • Appreciation
  • Money

  Philippians 3:3 – “For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.”

  We rely on other sources for our security and sufficiency

  Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

  We put others in His place as our major source for significance and self-worth

  Psalm 118:8 – “It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man.”

  We lose intimacy with God and we fear intimacy with others

  Matthew 6:33 – “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”

  We fall into the trap of toxic fear which draws us away from trusting God.

  Psalm 111:10 – “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments.  His praise endures forever.”

  c) The Opposite of Edging God Out is Exalting God Only.

  How can we start Exalting God Only?

  • Embrace an eternal perspective
  • Seek to lead for a higher purpose than our own
  • Success and pride
  • Assess our true level of trust and surrender
  • Admit that our ego is driven toward pride
  • Believe that God can transform our motives of heart
  • Identify inconsistent behaviors and character flaws
  • Seek to quickly admit when you are wrong
  • Live a spiritually disciplined life

Good People Skills

• a tendency to value relationships above all else
• a need to build relationships that are meaningful and reciprocal
• have strong, well-developed interpersonal skills
• a tendency to motivate others using genuine praise and friendliness
• an appreciation for teamwork, cooperation, and mutually rewarding relationships
• a tendency to be considerate of other people’s feelings and to be tactful
• one basic weakness is that there can be a tendency to be so concerned about friendship that one can sacrifice getting results and making hard decisions

Mr. Manip U. Lator
Dominating, Angry, Hard

These are dominating, tough, and controlled people. They have an excessive need for power, recognition, or status. They become angry easily, have little confidence in people, resist new ideas, and seldom admit mistakes. When not in distress they may come across charming and persuasive.

Aggressive Manipulators are all about Self and Pride

CHARACTERISTICS: Proud, arrogant, competitive, detached, unfaithful.

• a tendency to be reserved and detached
• others may find them difficult to approach
• difficulty in initiating and building satisfying relationships
• a tendency to avoid relationships due to feat of being hurt
• uncomfortable sharing feelings and thoughts and even suspicious of those who do
• others may find it hard to get to know them
• a lack of a strong network of friends
• could represent a primary concern with dominating and controlling others
• could be highly defensive person who needs to control or manipulate others

Our values are what we stand for and believe deep down.  They drive our behavior and determine our vision, direction, and sense of purpose.

We need to identify and prioritize our values into a clear underlying philosophy which explains our instinctive behaviors.

• What do you value?  List 6 or 7 most important values.
• Match a behavioral example from your life which would confirm each value.

Example:

• Value = joy and happiness
• Proof = I smile, I am happy, I love to laugh, and I make people around me feel good.

Values are the non-negotiable principles that define character in a leader.

Life is all about value choices.  When we betray our stated values, we distort our vision for the future and lose our integrity.

Jesus clearly ranked His priorities that we should: (1) love God with all our heart, soul, and mind (2) love our neighbor as ourself.

• Honor God in everything we do
• Build relationships based on trust and respect which produces unity and promotes accountability
• Maintain integrity and excellence by being careful to speak the truth and deal honestly in all our relationships
• Make tough choices without rationalizing or compromising our values

Luke 16:13 – “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and mammon.”

Luke 9:25 – “For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?”

Life is about choices and choices should be made based on our values.  We are a monument to the choices we have made during our lives.

Leaders must be responsible to implement a clear vision of the values God has called us to uphold.  Jesus came to earth to follow the vision He had been given by His Father.  Jesus said, “The Son of man did not come to be saved, but to serve” (Matt. 20:28).

When we follow a heart and head like Jesus, people come to the forefront and self takes a back seat.  We are encouragers and relationship builders (servant leaders) not oppositional critics or aggressive manipulators (self-serving leaders).

John 17:13-18 – “But now I come to You, and these things I speak in the world, that they may have My joy fulfilled in themselves.  I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  I do not pray that You should keep them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  Sanctify them by Your truth.  Your word is truth.  As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world.”

Effective leadership at a higher level depends on whom we follow.  Sustainable, enduring servant leadership actions emerge from a committed and disciplined heart, because the doing is always the hardest part.  We count the cost and choose to pay the price, just as Jesus did!

• a focus on achieving a standard of excellence
• the belief that things have specific and definable causes: a lack of belief in luck or chance
• the knowledge that individual effort counts
• a commitment to making things better
• a preference for setting and accomplishing realistic and attainable goals, rather than goals imposed by others
• a belief in the benefit of asking for and giving honest feedback
• encourage others to give their very best
• value and respect people who are innovative self-starters
• thing for themselves
• a tendency to plan and look ahead
• good team leaders
• seek to live out their dreams
• usually know what they want
• like a challenge for the fun of it
• persist in the face of difficulty but are not rigid or compulsive
• fact-oriented and problem solvers

Ms. Dumb Founded

Ms. Train Wreck

Ms. Fran Tic
Easily manipulated, unreliable, slow and frustrated.

Ms. Mali Function
Overwhelmed

People with this style may be very compliant and very considerate because of a deep need for acceptance and attention. This style reflects a fear and insecurity which make them easy targets for manipulators.

All about Self Confidence

CHARACTERISTICS:

• a lack of self-confidence
• under motivated
• underestimate their potential to achieve
• may tend to feel helpless and lack of control over their life
• could represent a dependent behavior style
• may be too compliant or passive
• insecure in confronting people
• follow but seldom lead
• a fear of rocking the boat
• could be a worrier, self-doubter, overly-cautious, excessively meek, and predictable person in relationships

• a concern for self-development and a purpose driven attitude
• strong instincts and intuition
• a relative freedom of guilt or worry
• an energetic, exciting approach to life and the process of growth
• a strong desire to know about and experience things directly
• a high level of contentment
• are optimistic and enthusiastic
• a high self-confidence
• a healthy outlook
• responds not just reacts to life
• lose interest in a project when they don’t really feel strong about it
• avoid involvement in the non-important
• put first things first
• are seen by others as a successful and happy/joyful person

Mr. Lazy Bones

Mr. Cobb Webb

Mr. Ded Wait
Sluggish, feet dragger, slow poke, do nothing, walking dead

This style represents a strong tendency to avoid threatening or challenging situations. These people fear life, avoid people, and put off doing tasks out of a fear of failure or insecurities.

These people often experience guilt and self-blame over past mistakes. Major decisions of this style are tense and uneasy, avoid decisions and are evasive, shy and self-depreciating, easily upset and often manipulated, lack confidence, have poor people skills, have difficulty being accepted, and demonstrate little interest in reaching goals.

These people have poor relationship and seem to have strong inner conflicts which keep them focused on their own problems and fears. A lack of commitment and avoidance behavior makes it possible to satisfy basic needs, to build strong relationships, to be optimistic, or to enjoy true personal fulfillment.

CHARACTERISTICS

• are under-achievers; not living up to their full potential
• a low level of self-motivation
• a lack of contentment and sense of fulfillment
• low self-esteem
• are insecure about their future
• fail to take advantage of opportunities for personal growth
• lack curiosity
• are envious of those who seem content and successful
• have limited interests
• lack spontaneity
• can be preoccupied with the past
• probably also low scores in Style 1,2, and 3
• sometimes feel overwhelmed by life’s problems
• experience negative health-related symptoms due to stress, fear, or conflict
• do not usually follow values and beliefs or their values and beliefs are not clear
• avoid making decisions
• behavior appears self-centered very often or most of the time
• carry unresolved guilt over past mistakes
• procrastinate and abdicate rather than delegate

• Story – Civil War – Colonel Scott – N. VA Commander A. Lincoln – Scott’s Wife died and he wanted to go to the funeral.
• One Minute Apology – Starts with Surrender; Ends with Integrity

• Heart – Encourager
• Head – Relationship Builder
• Hands – Achiever
• Habits – Confident Becomer

• Goal = to believe that you are loved and accepted by God
• Key = think and believe the truth of God’s word not the false belief’s of satan. Reject the belief that says:

Self-worth = performance + others’ opinions

• Goal = to be honest and clear about our backgrounds, experiences, and hurts
• Key = Have hope and realistic expectations as you work through the process of dealing with the shame, anger, or the disappointment of your family life.

• Goal = to have peace with self and with God without believing our good deeds make us more acceptable to God
• Key = Understanding that we are made righteous in God’s eyes through faith in Jesus Christ, we stand before God without fear of personal condemnation.

• Goal = to be obedient to God out of love and a sincere desire to stay within God’s plan for our lives
• Key = Do not live in fear of God’s anger but live in joyful obedience to His love. We will reap what we sow but obedience should not be based on God’s rewarding us. Always check your motives in life but do not try to make deals with God.

There are many other issues which have impacted your life story and life history. Issues which you need to consider in clarifying your story and journey. Issues such as:

• rejection
• bitterness
• unforgiviness
• conflicts
• habits
• compulsions
• negative attitudes
• extreme emotional responses

Now you need to create a worksheet dividing your life into chapters with a title for each segment or division of your life. Under the chapter titles, identify the most critical events or experiences for each chapter and division. Then also identify how to describe God at work in your life during these divisions/chapters.

Download the Life Division Worksheet | Download a sample copy of the Life Division Worksheet

As you complete and fill-in your worksheet charting your life story you will raise key questions, find real answers, and identify vital lessons you have learned on your journey. You will be able to see the hand of God at work in your life through critical events and special relationships. Pay close attention to how God has worked through the hardships and most painful experiences of your life.

On a separate sheet of paper write as much as possible on the title “Who I am Today.” Divide the paper into headings such as:

• strengths
• weaknesses
• limitations
• flaws
• passions
• goals
• achievements
• next steps for spiritual growth

Write another brief paper on “How I Know God has Called me to Leadership.” Be sure to identify those weaknesses you will have to overcome in order to achieve your maximum potential.

If you were going to tell your story to a small group of fellow believers, how should you best communicate or present your story? You could use photos, old videos, maps, timeline drawings, diagrams, music, poetry, etc. Be sure to clearly identify from your life story the most significant lessons you have learned on your journey. Also, describe how your life story influences your theology of ministry and your personal vision.