Pastoring can be defined as caring for another by giving one’s self in Christian love to a relationship in times of weakness and times of strength.  Everyone needs people who care for them and who will bring into the relationship the love of God and the power of the Holy Spirit.

Preachers and laity are both shepherds over the flock according to their individual call.  All spiritual leaders are called by God to comfort His people.  Many Christians today cry out, as did the writer in Psalm 142:4, “There is none who takes notice of me…no man cares for me.”  People have been neglected because laity have not been allowed to obey the call of God and help care for people’s needs.

Lay ministry provides a method of involving many people in God’s work so that sheep do not fall through the cracks and get forgotten or neglected.

Moses, the great leader that he was, was not adequately caring for God’s people.  When his father-in-law, Jethro, observed that Moses was exhausting himself in trying to hear and help all the people, he told Moses, “What you are doing is not good” (Exodus 18:17).  From the model developed by Moses we see the following principles.

1. A wise leader disciples/mentors others to help carry the load.
2. People will not know what to do unless they are equipped and discipled.
3. God will raise up trustworthy men and women with a passion to do His will.
4. In the work of God there are certain responsibilities only entrusted to the pastor.  However, there are many ministry roles available to lay leaders.
5. Pastors and lay leaders can share the burden of ministry and together reap a far greater harvest.

We should and must depend upon the anointing of the Holy Spirit to make us effective for God.  The promise in Acts 1:8 says, “You shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you.”  The power of Pentecost is for all believers. The Holy Spirit wants to equip all of us for ministry.

We are in this race together.  We are not alone.  We are to be in unity with others as we serve together and seek our common destination.

There is a place of knowledge and maturity for all believers and leaders.  It is “unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:13). As each believer functions in accord with the gifts Christ has given him/her, the body as a whole enjoys unity and becomes spiritually mature, more like Jesus Christ in all His fullness.

By maintaining truth in love in both speech and life, believers may grow up unto Him with reference to all things. Christ is the source, the aim, and the goal of our growth and maturity.  Each member of the body is carefully fitted together and held strong.  We are a support and encouragement to each other. We must fulfill God’s call upon our lives and use our gifts to minister in love to others.

We are each one responsible for the unity of the body.  We are to respect our differences and the variety of our functions.  Paul emphasized body-growth, not only self-growth.  We are to walk in holiness and in unity.

Leaders must make themselves available and approachable.  If people have to try too many times to reach you, they give up.  If they feel uncomfortable approaching you with a need, they will avoid you and act as if everything is fine.

Lay leaders must see themselves as ministers and servants of God.  This servant attitude impresses us to make contact often with those we serve. In many churches today, lay leaders are becoming “Lay Pastors.”  These under-shepherds accept responsibility for the pastoral care of a certain group within the church.  The lay pastor then stays in close contact with his/her small group.

The Apostle Paul called on Timothy to “set the believers an example” (1 Timothy 4:12).  This is the call of God upon all who will be spiritual leaders.  We are to be examples, role models, leaders in the things of God.  We are to demonstrate the character of Christ in our lives.  This means manifesting maturity, integrity, humility, faithfulness, and wisdom.

It is essential that all lay leaders be totally committed to God, to their own family, and to the area(s) of ministry in which God has called them.  Leaders must be committed to continuing education and training.  They must be accountable and loyal to those over them in the Lord.

When lay leaders fail to function effectively, when they procrastinate or behave disrespectfully reflecting a negative attitude, they should be confronted and helped.  Leadership is a serious responsibility and people need to understand from the very beginning that they will be held accountable.

Pastors should guide the congregation in showing appreciation to all lay leaders.  People need recognition and they need to know when they are doing well.  They should be affirmed for their work as well as being held accountable.

As mentors, we must become good at diagnosing the development level of our workers.  When we examine and evaluate a person, we look at two key ingredients that determine a person’s performance or achievement:  competence and commitment.

Competence is a function of knowledge and skills, which can be gained from education, training, and/or experience.  It is not something we are born with. It’s something we develop.

Commitment is a combination of confidence and motivation.  Confidence is a measure of a person’s self-assuredness and faith in God.  Motivation is a person’s interest in and enthusiasm for doing a task well.

Any person can range from a level of:

• Low competence and low commitment to
• High competence and high commitment.

Highly developed leaders (competent and committed) are hard to find.  They don’t just grow on trees.  In fact, we have to train people to be good leaders or performers and that involves good diagnostic skills.

All of us have potential that can be developed.  The mentor needs to be able to diagnose the level of development of each lay leader and know how to guide them forward.  Thus the mentor is doing for the lay leader in development what he/she cannot do for themselves at the present moment.

Contracting is the third skill necessary for situational leadership in mentoring.  Mentoring is not something we do to people but something we do with people.

Contracting has to do with the relationship and commitment between the lay leader and the mentor.  It is about the day-to-day coaching and counseling that will take place between them.  In contracting, the mentor says to the leader, “I want you to win to achieve.  I will be available to you and help you develop.  I will see to it that you know what is expected of you and what it takes to accomplish your goals.  We will even work together to set the goals and determine the objectives which must be reached in the process.”

Contracting says, “I (the mentor) will be specific with you (the lay leader).  The goals will be measurable — and attainable.  It also means that as your mentor I will consistently evaluate my own levels of development and seek to grow along with you as you come to the place of delegated leadership responsibility.”

The pastor cannot do God’s work alone and lay leaders cannot be expected to carry a load of responsibility without being mentored.  The mentor must match the appropriate leadership style with the needs of each person (lay leader).  Lay leaders cannot be expected to assume leadership responsibility and achieve peak performance without the right kind of direction and support.  Every lay person is a potential high performer for God.  Some people just need a little more development than others along the way.

The pastor must learn how to develop people effectively if he/she wants quality help in God’s work.  The pastor cannot do it alone and laity cannot do it without the support and direction of the pastor.

When developing lay leaders, mentors need the skills of flexibility, diagnosis, and contracting.  Mentors and lay leaders can put together powerful ministry teams who can accomplish great things through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Never in human history has the church been more needed than now!  We desperately need lay leaders with a deep personal faith in God and commitment to Christian service and leadership.

America has been a place where men and women have enjoyed the best of everything available in the world. Yet our failures are also many. We have the highest rate of divorce, teenage pregnancy, illicit drug abuse, crime, homicides, AIDS, immorality, and more garbage than anyone else.

If progress is so wonderful, why are we so plagued with problems? Forty years ago, the discipline problems in school were talking, chewing gum, etc. Today it is rape, robbery, assault, and drug abuse. Some forty years of progress!

Eighty years ago we had no national debt. Today, we have a 7.4 trillion dollar debt (September 04) that is out of control. Our modern world finds itself tumbling from crisis to crisis.

Progress has not brought us fewer crises but more crises. Each day we awake to a world that appears more confused and disordered than the one we left the night before. It seems that our solutions create even greater problems.

Many Christian women today feel overwhelmed with the pains of progress. Many are depressed, stressed and exhausted. Some are desperate for help! Their jobs are insecure, their finances are in crises. They are over their heads in debt (2004 average card debt per household is $8,400). Their marriages are in trouble (forty-three percent of marriages will end in divorce). Their sons are using drugs, and their daughters are getting pregnant. These women don’t know what to do or where to turn. The promise of progress has soured into epidemic pain.

To lay all the blame for our woes on progress is unfair. Most of the blame belongs on us humans. If progress gave us the gun, we pulled the trigger. Perhaps the question is “Are we building a better world – or simply nourishing evil?”

Progress has given us new ways to express our hostility; our cynicism; our greed; our decadence; our discontent; our lust; our pride. Trying to solve humans’ problems by giving them more power is like trying to tame a wolf by letting it play with a lamb.

The biggest failure of progress has been its inability to nurture and protect right relationships. Progress has brought wealth, technology, knowledge, and materialism to the world. But our pains result from our relationships, our emotions, and our spiritual needs.

The problems facing Christian women today are real, systemic, serious, and unprecedented. Without the power of the Holy Spirit at work in our lives, we have no hope of dealing with the pain we face.

Christian women who are in ministry or whose spouse is a clergyman need to be aware of how some leaders are more a part of the problem and pain than the solution. Some leaders quickly grow impatient with the talk of stress, burnout, and depression. Instead of helping, they challenge the weak to quit the whining and get with the program. They love stress and seem to thrive by living on the edge. They eat, breathe, and sleep adrenaline. Productivity and numerical growth are the goals, not living. Even these driven leaders have their limits, as they will eventually learn.

One of the common things that happens to us human beings is that we try to avoid pain and we are drawn toward pleasure. We need a sense of purpose at all times. If we have purpose, we are able to put pain and pleasure into proper perspective. We will be able to see the profit in pain, and at the same time, not feel guilty about enjoying pleasure. Perspective gives us that balance. But we can’t have perspective without a clear and positive purpose or reason for living.

James 1:2-4 tells us that we should develop a positive view to the trials and test which come into our lives. These very trials and tests produce in us stability and maturity. Pain can have a positive benefit and produce something in us that pleasure never can.

There is no painless entrance into a new phase of life. Each transition in life can be to some degree an upsetting or traumatic experience. The prescription for the pain of overloaded lives in these times of transition is to increase our margin and balance in life. Increasing our margin means to increase our spiritual and emotional reserves. Also, it is learning to always hold in reserve strength, time, energy, and patience for unexpected contingencies or situations. This requires developing the power of resilience and optimism.

It has now become urgent and essential that Christian women create a margin between themselves and their limits. We can’t keep living in a state of overload. If we were equipped with a flashing light to indicate “100 percent full,” we could better gauge our capacities. The problem is that we usually don’t know how overextended we are until we feel the pain. It is rare to see a life prescheduled to only eighty percent, leaving a margin for responding to the unexpected.

A) Power Minus Load

We have, probably, all heard of the “Peter Principle” which says that a person can be promoted to a position beyond their strengths and abilities.

Power is made up of factors such as skills, time, emotional strength, physical strength, spiritual vitality, finances, social supports, and education. Load combines internal factors such as personal expectations and emotional weaknesses and external factors such as work, relational problems and responsibilities, financial obligations, and community/family involvement.

When our load is greater than our power, we enter into negative margin status and we are overloaded. When these stresses are endured long term, we might experience burnout.

B) Margins Needed in Four Areas

1) Margin in Emotional Energy

When we are emotionally resilient, we can confront our problems with a sense of hope and power. Emotional overload saps our strength, paralyzes our resolve, and maximizes our vulnerability, leaving the door open for even further stress related complications.

We begin each day with a certain measure of emotional energy. For some, this energy reservoir is huge, while for others it stays near empty. One thing is certain, the amount of emotional energy within us is finite. No one has an infinite capacity for emotional stress/pain. When our reserves are depleted, they are depleted. This is why a life of faith and trust in God is so important. However, if we fail to turn to Him in the moments of weakness and distress, we will pay the consequences.

It is our responsibility to trust God and to keep a margin in our lives so we will not experience failures of self-control during times of emotional distress. The use of tranquilizers has become so prevalent that for decades they have been near the top of the list of most widely prescribed drugs. As one observer commented, “Millions of suburbanites seems to find that, ‘the good life’ is only endurable under sedation.”

When major tranquilizers appeared on the scene in the 1960s, there was great hope. Finally, there was a prescription to soothe our frazzled nerves. The disillusionment came when we realized that while these drugs did assist in controlling symptoms, they did not cure the underlying problems.

What can a woman do when she finds that her emotional energy is gone? How can she get it back? The following are prescriptions that work; take as needed.

Rx 1) Cultivate a network of social support
Cultivate an interpersonal network of support within a loving church and within our families.

Rx 2) Reconcile relationships
True reconciliation is one of the most powerful of all human interactions. For the child of God, there is access to the healing power of the Spirit. Through our brokenness, emptiness, and humility, God comes ever close to us as we yield to him and confess our wrongs.

Rx 3) Serve one another
Doing nothing for others is the undoing of one’s self.  If we are not by nature kind and generous, we miss out on the best part of life. Altruistic behavior improves the quality of our lives.

Rx 4) Rest
Be with people and serve them, but be sure to get away from them occasionally. Escape; relax; sleep in; take a nap; unplug the phone; enjoy a walk and don’t take your beeper.
When we feel emotionally exhausted, we need to find a quiet solitude and time to rest. These times are just as important as productive times.  Remember, rest restores.

Rx 5) Laugh
Humor is a medicine. It tastes better than pills, it works, and it costs less. Four year old children laugh on an average of ever four minutes. Try laughing every four minutes, we need it.

Rx 6)  Cry
Sometimes we laugh so hard we cry. Other times we just cry. Crying can be a form of healing and emotional release. According to some studies, those who cry more often get sick less often. A good cry usually lasts six or seven minutes and releases a burdensome load of emotional pollution.

Rx 7) Create appropriate boundaries
The inability to say no and to protect our privacy robs us of our margin. It is wise to understand that some people simply are not sensitive to boundaries. There can be an absence of malice but a presence of self-centeredness. To be able to say no without guilt is to be freed from one of the biggest monsters in our overburdened lives. Boundary deficits are disabling. People with unclear boundaries can find themselves making commitments under pressure that they would never make with a clear head. If we do not learn to say no, we will never regain proper margins.

Rx 8) Envision a better future
We must have a transcendent vision: a hopeful, spiritually valid expectation of what the future holds. We all must have a purpose bigger than ourselves for which we can live. Today, so many people have lost a sense of vision and tend to live aimlessly in a black hole.

Rx 9) Offer thanks
We have much for which to be thankful because we have a loving God watching over us. If we really look around, we can see a lot of beauty, love, kindness, and nobility. Remember, gratitude fills and discontent drains. The choice is truly ours.

Rx 10) Be rich in faith
The faith of Godly fathers and mothers that has successfully withstood many great trials is the same faith that leads us safely through contemporary dangers, toils, and snares. Faith in God can withstand anything. When the hammers of doubt have rusted, the anvil of faith will yet endure. When all else fails, faith remains. Perhaps the most vital ingredient of resilience is faith! 

2) Margins in Physical Energy

A large percentage of Americans are sadly out of shape and have diminished physical energy reserves because of poor health. Many mothers suffer from chronic sleep-deprivation due to children and jobs. Others are in poor health due to obesity, injuries, or disease.

The Center for Disease Control estimates that more than fifty percent of all deaths are related to lifestyle choices. Self-destructive lifestyle pathologies (such as severe stress, sexually transmitted diseases, drug abuse, smoking, or alcohol abuse) makes medicine a secure profession.

Some prescriptions to help us take steps to reverse our self-induced body deterioration include the following:

Rx 1) Take personal responsibility for health

Rx 2)  Change our habits

Rx 3)  Choose to get enough rest/sleep

Rx 4)  Don’t oversleep

Rx 5)  Take naps

Rx 6)  Decrease intake of fat and sugars and maintain a healthy diet

Rx 7) Avoid overeating and drink a lot of water

Rx 8) Exercise wisely and often

Rx 9) Get a complete physical

Rx 10)  Seek to know our body

We need to give our bodies a chance! Be patient and persistent in exercise, weight loss, and diet.

3) Margins in Time

Thirty years ago, futurists peering into their crystal balls predicted that one of the biggest problems for coming generations would be deciding what to do with their abundant spare time. Some time back, they stopped talking about this idea. According to a Harris Survey, the amount of leisure time enjoyed by the average American has decreased thirty-seven percent since 1973. Progress was believed to be leisure-permitting and time-gifting. The opposite has been true. The spontaneous flow of progress is toward decreasing stress complexity and overload. It is to consume more and more of our time, not less; to consume more of our margin, not less.

The marginless lifestyles and their resultant chronic time pressures are particularly devastating to our relationships – even our relationship with God. We jump at the alarm of a clock, but we sleep through the call of the Almighty. Progress tricked us into trusting it—then it exhausted us. But we are not helpless. Time margin can be built into our lives if we take the following steps to restore sanity to our schedules.

Rx 1) Expect the unexpected
Nearly everything takes longer than anticipated.

Rx 2) Learn to say no

Rx 3) Turn off the television
The average adult watches up to thirty hours of television per week.

Rx 4) Prune some activities off our schedule

Rx 5) Practice simplicity and contentment

Rx 6) Develop long-term vision
Living from week-to-week is like a dot-to-dot life. Make some long-term goals and plans.

Rx 7) Get less done, but do the right things

Rx 8) Build and relish positive memories

Rx 9) Don’t rush wisdom
We do need to be wise and decisive. However, the more important the decision, the slower it should be make along with deliberations.

Rx 10) Create buffer zones, and plan for free time
Remember, life is a journey not a race. God never intended for time to oppress us, dictating our every move. Regaining margins in our use of time is one way of restoring freedom from overloaded lives.

There is a serious financial crisis in our world today. The federal government, state governments, and families are all swimming in the same red ink. Median family income (adjusted for inflation) has been stalled for three decades, according to the United States Department of Commerce. It is little wonder that the lack of money is the leading stressor among families.

What has happened is that income has stagnated while expenses kept rising. The financial margin of many families has vanished, along with many dreams.

Many people see no way out. They have been treading water so long that they can’t remember what it was like to have money left at the end of the month. With God’s help and wise actions there is hope. Here are some prescriptions to help restore margins to our finances.

Rx #1 – Put first things first
We must first of all settle the issue of Lordship by putting God first in our lives.

Rx #2 – Determine to live within our income
We must learn to live within our boundaries and find contentment with what God sends our way rather than pining for greener grass on the other side of the of the fence.

Rx #3 – Discipline desires and re-define needs
Our true needs are few and basic. Much of what we call needs are really desires. God is generous and gracious to give us many of our desires. We need to focus on godly priorities.

Rx #4 – Decrease spending
One of the wisest and quickest ways we can increase our financial margin is to reduce our spending, especially on excessive finance charges of credit cards.

Rx #5 – Increase income
Increasing our income usually requires working longer hours or a second job. This may be necessary for a time, but remember it will be at a high price of any discretionary time you now have for family and yourself.

Rx:6 – Increase savings
Most people fail God by not saving and keeping a cash reserve for times of need. Probably only a few are guilty of hoarding money. God does want us to be channels of blessings with a giving spirit. Without question, it is a fact that too many people have large debts and little, if any, savings.

Rx:7 – Make a budget and stick to it

Rx:8 – Don’t abuse credit cards
Only use credit cards if the balance can be paid in full each month, in order to avoid paying high interest.

Rx:9 – Don’t mortgage the future
Most people have a house payment and car payments; the key is to be careful to buy and finance only what you can afford.

Rx:10 – Resist impulses and fashion games
Resist impulsive buying and getting caught in trying to keep up with what others have obtained. Learn to shop less, use what is in the freezer, and wear out what you have in the closet. A plaque on Grandma’s wall said, “Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Do without.”

In the midst of this changing and complex world, Christian women must find a lifestyle of faith, contentment, and spiritual strength. These require that we live by a new paradigm—one that creates a margin in all areas.

Discontent is a destructive driving force that will bankrupt us eventually. Contentment is not only a good idea, it is our duty. God commands us to be content and says that contentment with godliness is great gain.

Often our quest has not been for contentment but for more material possessions. This carnal, materialistic quest causes us to covet and lust for things. What we all need is what so few ever find and that is “godliness with contentment.” Contentment is not complacency, but peace.

There are those predictable transitions in a woman’s life and deep pains of overloaded burdens. God has given us prescriptions for the pain and a pattern for stability and contentment. He calls us to live out a new paradigm designed to bring satisfaction and peace.

You may ask, “How do I achieve this contentment and implement these prescriptions?” Start with making these actions a matter of priority. Priority thinking requires balancing our lives and our use of time. Insist on the cooperation of your spouse in making the necessary changes.

Ration time wisely. Learn to say no and avoid overloads. Get control of life and place God at the center of all things. Find balance in life and allow those around the freedom to achieve God-honoring balance and margins in their own lives.

Balance is necessary and attainable, but not easy. We will work hard to please the Master, resting confidently knowing that He understands our condition and our needs.